“Call me Gilbert Blythe, I guess,” I say wryly. “Then the wholeMost Eligible Misterthing happened. I figured, why not try to find a woman who would love me for me? I never thought I could have a chance with you, so this felt like a good way to get over my hang-up. Having a pool of twenty ladies felt like as good of an opportunity as any. But all those other women didn’t seem to care about me. Then there was you.”
“What about me?” she whispers.
“You’re still way too good for me.”
She shakes her head, but I level her with a look.
“You are, Mal. And yet, you heard me stutter…and you didn’t judge me…or pity me, which mattered just as much.” I tip my head to get a better look at her. “I l-love you. I love you,” I say it again more slowly, focusing on all three syllables. “You don’t have to feel the same. Yet or ever. But I know I do. I feel more for you than I ever have. You’ve been my professional partner for a long time, and when I saw you start to let your guard down and open up around me, and even have some fun…it was all over for me. You’ve been the only person I’ve cared about impressing for a long time, and if there’s even a chance I can have you in my life as more than my coach, you’ve made me believe I’m worthy enough to give it a try. For the past two years, out on the golf course, you’ve been the voice in my head. Now, even more than that, you’re the voice in my heart.”
Her eyes have filled with tears, and I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing.
Oh gosh, is this where she lets me down easy?
My stomach flips, but I give myself a mental shake. If she does reject me, I’ll be okay. She’s made me believe that. Still, is it too much to hope that maybe she could feel even half as strongly about me as I feel for her?
When I can’t take it anymore, I squeeze her hand. “Okay. Can you please say something?”
38
Carrots and Rain
Mallory
“I—“ I cut myself off, trying to keep in check the emotion that’s threatening to render me further speechless. Becausewow.My heart is all at once broken for what Holland went through, in awe of his self-awareness and ability to see how he’s acted and how he wants to change, and tripping over itself, well on its way to falling for him…and falling hard.
I cut my gaze away from him and over to the bag I brought along. I wiggle my hand free of his grasp and reach for the canvas straps. “I brought something for you.”
I glance back at him to see him furrowing his brow. I reach up and drag my finger across the folds in his forehead. “It’s a good thing. I promise.”
I hand him the bag, and he opens it. His eyes widen as he pulls out the book. “Anne of Green Gables.“ He shakes his head, incredulous. “This is what you picked for me to read?”
I nod, letting loose the smile I feel building from my soul.
“How?” he asks simply.
I shrug. “When we were having dinner at your parents’ house, Willow mentioned that you read it as a kid. She said you got some lessons from Gilbert Blythe, and I didn’t think anything of it, but now…”
I look away. It’s almost too much to think about Holland secretly admiring me.
“I did everything but call you Carrots, Mal,” he says, letting his gaze bounce from my face to the worn pages of the library book. He glances up at me again. “Believe me when I say I wanted to. Iwanted to do anything that would get your attention, because I didn’t think I could ever hold it in the way I longed to hold it.”
It’s my turn to press my finger over his lips. “New rule.”
His eyes widen, and he tips his head to the side.
“No more thinking you’re not good enough for me.”
He grabs my finger and presses it to his lips. “But I’m not good enough for you.”
“Yes, you are,” I say firmly.
He searches my gaze. “You—“ He stops himself, shaking his head like he has too much to say and can’t decide where to begin. He stares at me with what can only be described as reverence. My body hums with the anticipation of a relationship with Holland, because I can picture it. There will be these soft and sweet moments but also moments of fire and fun and passion and intensity. I want to show up for all of it. I can’t wait.
“You, Holland Bradley, have completely flipped my world upside down.”
He twists his lips to the side. “In a hurricane sort of way? Where everything is ruined and terrible, or…?”
“In anI was asleep, and now I’m awake, and I want to do things differentlykind of way,“ I admit.
