Whether it’s the darkness that gives me confidence or Collin’s obvious interest in me, I find myself flirting without even thinking about it.
“Now that you mention it…” Collin wiggles his eyebrows, and I laugh.
“So smooth. No wonder the ladies love you.” I say it as a joke, but the realization that Collin has had his pick of beautiful, successful, talented women in the past dawns on me, and my smile wobbles.
“Hey.” Collin reaches his hand over and covers my fingers with his. “I don’t like that look. Talk to me.”
I sigh. I know Collin well enough to know he’s not going to let this go until I tell him the truth, so even though I don’t want to admit it, I blurt out, “I feel insecure when I think of all the women in your past.”
Collin frowns. “Noli.”
No pet name. No jokes-y tone. Just my name, said with such sincerity that tears immediately spring into the corners of my eyes.
“Stupid, right? I’m supposed to be tough, and nothing is supposed to faze me. But when I think about the women you’ve been with—the women you could be with—I feel…”
“What?” he prompts me.
I shrug. “Like, what are you doing with me?”
Collin rocks on his butt and shifts his position until he’s facing me. He waits, and I peer at him out of the side of my eye.
“Will you look at me?”
I mimic his movements so we’re eye to eye, our cross-legged knees bumping into each other.
“I want to be with you because I think you’re the most interesting person I’ve ever met. I love your wit and humor. I love your coolness under pressure. I love that you don’t let me get awaywith anything. I love that you don’t make fun of me for writing you silly notes. That you even keep them all.”
“How do you know I kept them?” I whisper, trying not to overthink the fact that Collin used the word “love” a couple different times…in reference to me.
His gaze softens on my face—like he’s a pad of butter and I’m a fresh-made pancake. “I’ve told you this before. I notice you. I’ve noticed you for a long time. Then I spent time with you, and the tiny seeds of admiration I’ve sown over the course of the year sprouted into a full-fledged garden.”
I snort.
“What? Not digging the flower metaphor? I thought it was appropriate.”
I shake my head. “No, I liked it. I just… I don’t know how I can believe it. You hated my guts.”
He leans back. “Sure, at first. But that all changed.”
I tip my head side to side. “But you’re still you. And I’m me.”
“That’s a lousy argument.” Collin is all no-nonsense about this. “Because,” he goes on, “I’m just as insecure here.”
I make a face. “I doubt that.”
“Don’t you think I’m self-conscious about my history with women? I haven’t exactly been the staying type. Mostly because I never wanted to be. But I don’t like the impression that gives you. I don’t want you to think that, because of how I acted in the past, I’ll act that way with you. I’m here to stay, as long as you want me to be.”
I swallow and glance away from his intense gaze. This is all so much to take in, and my head is working really hard to come up with reasons that it’s too good to be true, but my heart is hammering in my chest. A beat that isn’t at all steady. It’s erratic and wild and getting louder in my ears as my appreciation for the man in front of me grows.
“I’m going to kiss you now.” Collin gently tips my chin back toward him. “If that’s okay.”
“Yes, please.”
He closes the gap between us, our knees knocking. He doesn’t move to touch me anywhere but where his fingers linger on my chin. I reach up and wrap my hands around his biceps, because I really like the feel of them.
I feel his breath catch when I give them a small squeeze, and when he breaks the kiss, the look of admiration in his eyes is still there, but it’s enhanced by a soft and sure smile.
“No more doubting us or why we’re together, okay? Let’s just be. Think you can do that for me?”
