“I thought you were going to stand me up.”
I chuckle at that, pitching my voice to sound like I’m baby-talking. “Aww, were your feewings about to get hurt?”
Collin is my best friend—has been for years. Maybe you’re thinking it’s weird that we talk on the phone at ten p.m. on a weeknight. Why not text like normal dudes? Who makes phone calls these days? I get it, but you know what? I say we need to normalize healthy male friendships. For Collin and me, phone calls work.
He’s an officer on the Cashmere Cove Police Force. He works second shift, and when he goes out on patrol, he often calls me, and we catch up. He can’t text because he needs to keep his head on a swivel, so most of the time, I’m on speaker phone while he’s in his cruiser.
“I was close to tears, man. Don’t ever leave me hanging like that again,” Collin says this with mock sincerity.
I laugh. “How’s the night shaping up?”
I can hear Collin stretching out in the front seat of his squad car. The leather creaks through the line as he launches into the happenings around Cashmere Cove. I jab at my phone and turn it on speaker while he tells me about how he pulled over Scott Wallace…again.
“I swear the man cannot drive under forty-five miles per hour. If he’s not careful, we’re going to revoke his license.”
I murmur my assent as I bang around for a pot underneath my stove and put some water on to boil. I’m having mac and cheese for a late dinner. Don’t judge. Although, I’ve been questioning my dinner choice after Rose’s proclamation about how the cheese dust will basically never break down.
My entire stomach is coated with the stuff at this point, but there’s nothing for it. I’m too busy to cook a meal, and by the time I get home, I’m too exhausted to wait up for take-out. So, fake cheese and noodles it is.
Someone next door, either Poppy or Rose, must be a good cook, because every night this week when I’ve come home from work, there’s the scent of spices in the air. I’ve been giving the Kasper sisters their space since Poppy and I ran into Tricia. I don’t know what Poppy thinks of me at this point.
“Mack?”
“What?”
“I asked how you are.”
“Oh. Good. Fine.”
“You sure? Tricia mentioned that she saw you out and about.” Collin sounds hesitant.
I dump the raw noodles into my pot of boiling water and do my best impression of someone who is indifferent about life. “It’s fine. Nothing to worry about.”
Collin sighs. “I don’t believe you. I’m sorry about Tricia. I…I don’t… It’s been a long time, you know. I wish she’d let it all go. For your sake.”
Did I mention that Collin is Tricia’s brother? Yeah. So there’s that.
I sure know how to messy the waters, don’t I?
“Tricia’s going to do what Tricia’s going to do, Collin. I can’t control her.”
I’ve been walking this line for years, trying not to bash his sister while also not heaping on any more dishonesty to the pile. I’ve had to choose my words carefully.
When everything went south between Tricia and me, and what felt like the entire town took her side, Collin remained a firmly neutral party. The man rivals Switzerland. I know it hasn’t been easy for him. For a while there, we didn’t speak about my relationship with his sister. We kept our conversations centered around other things. He didn’t ask me what happened. I didn’t offer to tell him.
Maybe I should have.
In the years since, the truth has been on the tip of my tongue more times than I can count, but I’ve always swallowed it back down. I was guilty in the eyes of this town before I had a chance to speak for myself back then. Who’s going to give me the benefit of the doubt now?
Boo.
It’s true. That’s what I had been thinking about tonight, ever since I’d read Poppy’s latest email to Holland. It got me wondering whether she might be the one to give me a chance.
A chance to explain. To come clean. To be me again.
That’s what friends do, right?
And the fact that she’d consider forgiving her dad after whatever he did to her made me feel more hope than I’ve felt in years. Because maybe she’ll keep an open mind around me, even if word about my past with Tricia makes it to her. I have no doubt that it will. It seems like it’s the first thing people talk about in this town. But if Poppy is willing to withhold judgment—or at least willing to form her own opinion of me—then maybe, eventually, I could work my way up to telling her the truth.
