“As far as I can tell, they aren’t causing any problems, and maybe they help reduce inflammation, which might have some long-term benefits, so yeah, I’ll take them. But they don’t make itstop.”
“If you?—”
“If I what?” I demanded. “Stop working? I love my job, Elliot. It gives me purpose. And yes, firefighting takes a bigger toll on my body, but exercise and building muscle also helps, so it’s a trade-off. One I choose to make because I feel like I’m making afucking difference in the world doing that job. Losing my job in Richmond is why I moved away from Virginia in the first place.”
Something flitted across his face, but he didn’t say anything.
“Halfof why I moved away,” I corrected, feeling heat rising up my neck.
“Uh-huh.”
“Elliot—”
“Not what you meant,” he replied, but I could tell that I’d hurt him.
“You know I’d never have done it if not for you,” I said, guilt thick in my chest.
“My invitation, you mean.”
“Elliot, I was falling in love with you before you ever even left Richmond. Youknowthat.” My neck and face were both on fire, my stomach tight, acid rising in the back of my throat.
I was angry and upset, and I felt like both throwing up and screaming just to avoid breaking down into hysterical tears.
Elliot sighed. “I know.”
I shifted again, unable to look at him. I needed to stop picking at him. I was in a foul mood, stressed and aching, and I needed to just shut up and keep it to myself. I didn’t need Elliot mad at me on top of everything else.
“Seth?”
I didn’t want to fight. “Yeah?” I braced myself.
“I love you.”
I swallowed the sobs back as I stared out at the flatness of Indiana, silent tears tracking down my cheeks. I couldn’t say it back because I couldn’t make any sound without giving away the fact that I was a broken, sniveling mess.
The hand returned to my thigh, and I gave up trying.
Elliot’s hand rubbed gently, but he kept driving. As much as I wanted him to hold me, I didn’t want him to stop on the side of the highway.
I’d calmed down a bit by the time we found an actual rest stop on the far side of Indianapolis. It was the kind that only had a bathroom and some vending machines, but it was very clean. So good job, Indiana.
But just because I’d got control of myself emotionally—more or less—didn’t mean that my body had gotten any more cooperative. Less, in fact.
I hissed as I slid out of the passenger side of the Cruiser. “Shit.”
“Stay there,” Elliot told me.
I frowned, squinting against the sun and heat while I waited for Elliot to… I had no idea what he was doing or why I wasn’t supposed to go anywhere.
“Let me help,” he said, holding out a hand.
I sighed, but took his hand anyway. “That doesn’t actually help,” I told him as he tried to help me by holding my elbow.
He stopped. “What would help?”
“Getting shitfaced?”
“I don’t think rest stop vending machines sell booze, and I didn’t bring any. Any other suggestions?” I could tell he was trying to be lighthearted, teasing, but kind.
