“What?” Now I was just confused.
His lips turned up in a shadow of his crooked smile. “We’re a people of generosity,” he replied. “What we have has value only because it can be given as a gift or in kind. Because it makes the world or our community better. I have enough money to pay for the business, enough to hire help, enough to pay for Henry’s house?—”
“You pay forHenry’shouse?!” This was the first I was hearing of it.
He shrugged. “It’s nearly paid off, anyway,” he replied mildly. “But Dad worked out some sort of deal back when Henry bought it so that Henry would only pay the first half of the mortgage, and then it would default to Dad. I just… took over. Only another three years, I think.”
“You’re paying two mortgages?”
Elliot shook his head. “Fuck, no. Just Henry’s, and it’s really not all that much. Our house was paid off a long time ago. That’s how Dad could afford Henry’s. But that’s not thepoint, Seth. The point is that Icanpay for this, Iwantto pay for it, and I believe it’s righttopay for it.”
I didn’t like it. I didn’t like owing himagain. More. Whatever.
First, it had been housing and feeding me. Then the hiking boots he’d bought to replace the ones he’d thrown up on. Food for the last year, because he definitely hadn’t been letting me pay for half of our meals. Housing, since he wouldn’t let me chip in for heating or AC or water or any of the house bills, either.
And now this. And probably a new fucking car to boot, since I didn’t have enough saved up to pay for that, either, because he probably wouldn’t let me buy a shitty junker.
I mean, he’dletme. He would just make a very convincing argument for why I should get something newer if not completely new because I would need to be able to drive in to work in winter storms, and there would only be more miles in brutal weather, rough track, and long hours.
Apparently he didn’t even have to make the argument.
I still didn’t like having to rely on him in order to pay for any of it.
But it was either Elliot or massive debt. And I didn’t like that, either.
“But I don’t want you to have to,” I said softly.
“I don’t,” he replied. “You could take out a loan, borrow from Noah or Judy and Marsh, probably even get an advance from work, or do a payment plan with the hospital. A long-term car loan. Youcoulddo that, and you’d eventually be able to pay it all back. But I can help, and I want to.” He sighed. “And you don’t have to accept it, if you really don’t want to.”
But he sounded hurt. Like the very idea that I didn’t want to let him help me bothered him. “I just… I already owe you so much.”
“It’s not a gift if you have to repay it, baby.”
I looked away from him. “I don’t want to always have to rely on you,” I mumbled.
“Why?” he asked, and I couldn’t tell what the tone was in his voice was. Disappointment, maybe? But it wasn’t just that. Confusion? Frustration? Sadness?
I frowned. “What do you mean,why?”
“Why don’t you want to rely on me?”
Shit. When he put it that way, it actually did sound pretty bad. You were supposed to rely on people you loved. “I—it’s notthat I don’t want to rely on you,” I half-stammered. “I just—I don’t want to only take from you. Over and over again.”
“Oh, baby, you don’t,” he said softly, his voice gentler than it had been.
“Yes, I do,” I argued. “All I’ve ever done is take from you?—”
“And helped me,” he interrupted.
I rolled my eyes. “I helped you move a few things and hold some boards in place,” I retorted. “I haven’t?—”
“Saved my life?” It was apparently his turn to interrupt me.
“I mean?—”
“Reminded me that it’s important to let yourself love someone?”
I just gaped at him.
