It wasn’t likeIhad some sort of timetable set up that I had to hit. Boyfriend at thirty, married at thirty-five, adopted kids at thirty-six.
Ugh.
No, thank you.
Not that I didn’t want those things… but I didn’t actually want them right now. Maybe I wouldn’t ever. I didn’t have a plan.
And I was okay with that—with the uncertainty of not knowing what was going to come. Of whether a relationship would work out or not. Where it would end up.
As far as I could tell, not knowing was part of the point. You didn’t know what was going to happen, but you wanted to find out—specifically with that other person.
I’d felt a connection to Elliot—one I thought and hoped that he shared. I wanted to know how we would fit together as we got to know each other.Ifwe fit together.
Which I guess we didn’t, since he wasn’tready.
I’d just really, really thought we did.
18
Elliot Crane
Can I ask you a biochemistry question?
Seth Mays
Sure.
What’s your question?
How much foxglove would it take to kill someone as opposed to work as a heart medication?
I was at work,but I immediately hit the little phone icon.
He answered on the second ring. “Hey.”
“You shouldnotbe giving anybody digitalis,” I said sharply.
“That’s the same thing as foxglove?”
“Yes, it’s the same fucking thing, Jesus, Elliot. Please tell me you aren’t seriously planning to give this to someone.”
“Not… exactly.”
“Elliot.” I made it clear in my tone that I was not having any bullshit.
I heard him let out a little sigh. “There are a lot of effective and safe herbal remedies,” he said. “Stuff for migraines and joint pain.”
“You don’t use digitalis for joint pain,” I snapped. “Or headaches.”
“No, you don’t,” Elliot agreed, his tone that of a man trying to be patient. “That’s cloves and anise and lion’s mane, among other things. Willowbark for headaches, which isnotthe point,” he continued, sounding mildly annoyed. “But Lonnie Redcreek has a mild heart condition. Not severe enough that she needs surgery or a pacemaker or anything. Henry has the list of what goesinit, but not the amounts.”
“Elliot, you couldkill her,” I said as firmly as I could without yelling at him.
“Which is why?—”
“And as a biochemist,” I said sternly. “I am telling younot to give anybody digitalis.” Could it be done safely? Sure. Itcouldbe done. But I didn’t trust myself to come up with the correct dose, particularly over the phone, and as much as I thought Elliot was generally a pretty smart guy, I absolutely didn’t trust him to dose someone correctly with something that could literally stop their heart.
“Would you?—”
