“I have my contacts in,” I said, knowing how utterly inane it sounded even as I said it.
Elliot’s dark brows rose. “So?”
“Wolf eyeballs are not the same size as human ones,” I pointed out.
Elliot blinked rapidly. “I—That is not a problem I have,” he said, drawing the words out as he thought through the implications. “Are they the kind you throw out every day?”
“Yeah, but I can’t see shit without them.”
“Can you see as a wolf?” he asked me.
“I don’t know?”
“Well, I promise not to let you break your leg in a hole as long as you don’t run off.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously,” he confirmed. “I will keep you from breaking a leg and eating a squirrel as long as you stay close.”
I gave him an exasperated look.
“Seth, you need to learnhowto shift. If for no other reason than if you only ever shift in a panic, you will never, ever learn how to control it. Which means that, sooner or later, you are going to die when someone puts a bullet in you in wolf form. And I amnotwilling to let that happen.”
I stared at him, shock and horror hitting me hard. Because while, yes, technically, I knew that if a shifter went feral and hurt someone, or even went feral and seemed out of control, the most likely outcome was absolutely getting killed.Put down, as the news would likely say. But somehow my stupid post-Arcana-addled brain hadn’t put that together forme. ThatIcould be shot if I didn’t get my shit under control.
And now all those days of going to work exhausted and emotionally wrung out, stressed to shit and not even remotely physically, mentally, or emotionally prepared for what I’d put myself through… I realized just how fucking stupid that had been. How much danger I’d put not only the people around me, like Quincy, in, but how much dangerI’dbeen in.
It must have shown on my face, because Elliot’s expression softened, and he reached out as though he were going to touch me, although he didn’t, even though I wanted him to. “Oh, baby shifter.”
I felt emotion rising in the back of my throat, threatening my control. On the up side, that probably meant that making myself shift would be easier—since it would be lessmakingand morelettingit happen.
I let out a shaky breath. “Okay,” I said.
“Okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I mean, no, not really, but you’re right. So… Okay.”
Somehow, he followed what I meant. “Give me the backpack.”
I’d been carrying our snacks and water, insisting on it, in fact. Elliot had let me with a shrug. I passed it over with muscles shaky from nerves.
“Now your clothes,” Elliot instructed, and I gaped at him for a second before flushing as I realized that this wasn’t a weird sort of come-on—while Icouldshift while wearing clothes, I would probably destroy them in the process and was much more likely to panic if I was trapped by my own stupidity.
Naked—thank God it was at least hot out so I wasn’t coldandutterly embarrassed, although it wasn’t like Elliot hadn’t seen me naked before—I stood there, my feet on a cushion of pine needles, trying to figure out how tomakea shift happen.
“Should—do you think I should take my contactsout?” I asked Elliot, mostly as a way to stall.
“No idea,” came his response. “I don’t wear them. What happens if you don’t?”
I had no clue. I’d been wearing my glasses the day they’d taken me into the hospital, and I’d only shifted without them in. “I don’t know. My contacts could fall out, or they could get stuck behind my eyeballs.”
He made a face. “That sounds unpleasant.”
“Yeah, it is.” I was already pulling out the right one, although once I had, I had no idea what to do with it and stood there stupidly holding it between my fingers. I didn’t want to just drop it on the ground, but it wasn’t like we’d brought a case or saline to store it.
Elliot stepped forward and held out his hand, an odd expression on his face. “What do I do with it?” he asked me, staring at the tiny translucent disc in his palm once I’d placed it there and reached for the other one.
“Trash?” I suggested. We’d brought a little bag for that—I’m a responsible hiker. I make sure that I can always carry out everything I brought in with me. Including, apparently, my own contact lenses.
