“I—”
“Listen to me.”
I swallowed, but stopped fighting him, although I still tried to keep from meeting his gaze.
“Look at me, please.”
I couldn’t refuse him, not when he used that tone. So I lifted my gaze, meeting the fractured crystal green and gold in brown of his hazel eyes.
“Seth,” he said gently, his fingers loosening, but not letting go. “I didn’t have the courage to choose you when I should have. I was afraid of letting you get too close.”
“Too close to what?” I asked, my voice thick.
He took his hands off my face, one held on to my shoulder, and the other took my hand and placed it against his chest. “This,” he said softly.
“And you didn’t choose me,” I managed, my voice breaking, as hard as I tried to keep it steady.
The hand holding mine to his chest tightened. “Seth, I didn’t choose you, becauseyouchoseme,” he said softly. “You made yourself an essential part of my life, and I was stupid for taking that for granted or thinking that it wasn’t the most important thing in the world. But then I realized that if I didn’t do something, I was going to lose you. And I couldn’t live with that.”
I didn’t know what to say, my stomach in knots and my chest tight.
“Baby,” he said, and the sound was rough and raspy, as though there were emotion clogging his throat. “You might just be the most important thing that’s ever happened to me.”
I couldn’t stop the tears from sliding down my cheeks and into my beard, and Elliot moved the hand off my shoulder to brush away the moisture with his thumb.
“Please don’t,” he whispered. “I don’t ever want to make you cry.”
I’d shed so many tears for him at this point, alone and in the dark, that it was almost funny. I didn’t have it in me to laugh, though, so I sniffled, instead, trying to swallow the lump in my esophagus. “Sorry,” I mumbled, dropping my eyes again.
He lifted my hand from his chest to his lips. “Don’t be,” he murmured against my fingers. “It’s my fault for being very,veryout of practice.”
I sighed. “It’s not your fault,” I told him.
He kissed my fingers again. “I strung you along for far too long,” he said gently. “I made you follow my stupid rules, even when I knew I was falling for you.” Another kiss. “And I keptyou at arm’s length because I was afraid of my own feelings. And then I took you out and was an absolute fucking ass, andthenI spent a month missing you so much it gave me indigestion.”
I stared at him.
“I meant it when I said I didn’t expect you to forgive me,” he said softly.
“El—” I couldn’t help but feel guilty, since I hadn’t meant to make him feel responsible for my emotional state.
“Do you believe me?” he asked me, then.
“Believe you about what?” I asked, frowning.
“That the only thing I regret about us is the fact that it took me so damn long to get there,” he replied. “That I want to be with you—you, specifically, and just you.”
I swallowed, then nodded.
He kissed my fingers one more time, then let go of my hand. “Good,” he said firmly, although his tone was still gentle. “Will you finish having dinner with me?”
I tried to smile a little, but I wasn’t sure I succeeded. “Okay.”
26
Elliot Crane
Will you come over tonight?
