Page 51 of Forever After All
In typical British fashion, it’s raining as we pull up to the cemetery.Nothing like a rainy day to bury someone.
I sit in the car, waiting for…I don't know.
Carter drove my hire car here and pulls into the cemeterygates onto the gravel path following the signs for the car park. As he drives through the large metal gates, a knot starts to form in the pit of my stomach, and I press my hands to it, willing it to stop.
"I feel sick," I mumble, trying to suppress the need to vomit.
"You're okay, Alice. You've got this," Carter encourages me.
I pull an antacid from my purse and take two, chewing the chalky fruit-flavoured tablet into dust before swallowing it, hoping it’ll stem the sick feeling.
I watch as the rain beads down over the car windows as someone directs people where they need to go, and a few faces I recognise start to gather in the back corner of the cemetery, behind the doors of the large brick building.
"Showtime, I guess." I look over at Carter as he reaches out to put his palm on my trembling thigh. Unclipping my seatbelt, I pull a large umbrella from the backseat and open the door. The dampened sound of the rain now floods into existence. The rain is heavy and unrelenting. Carter turns the car engine off and unclips his belt too. I put my palm on his chest and press him back into the seat. "I want to do this by myself."
"No chance," he protests, taking my hand and moving it away from him.
"Carter, I’m serious. I want to do this by myself, Ineedto do this by myself. He can't exactly hurt me now, can he?" I makean awkward looking face, pleading with Carter to let me do this alone.
"I'm going to be here the entire time. I'm not going to take my eyes off you until I don't have a choice." He looks over to the building, then back at me.
"You're only human, I don't really blame you for that." I laugh and lean over, pressing a kiss to his cheek, then I exit the car, pulling the umbrella over my head.
The sound of the rain hitting against the fabric calms me as I walk towards the small group gathered for Danny's funeral. The urge to vomit has subsided, and I join the other attendees, holding back far enough as to not overstep.
"Alice? Is that you?" A voice I’ll remember forever questions me as she narrows her eyes slightly, trying to look at me through the sheet rain.
"Hi." I wave and give a tight-lipped smile to Danny's mum. She looks no different. Like I’ve been transported back in time by a decade, I’m face-to-face with the woman I thought might have become my mother-in-law one day. That was until her son ruined my life, anyway.
"Oh, Alice, itisyou. What a shock." As Sarah approaches me, I see the hurt in her eyes and feel a little pang of guilt that I’m so happy over something that has ripped her world in two.
"Mum told me what happened. I wouldn't have missed it.I'm so sorry for your loss, Sarah." I try to sound as sincere as I can because although I am sad forherloss, I’m not sad that he's gone.
"It's really lovely to see your face, sweetheart." She smiles at me, fighting her tears away.
"It's lovely to see yours too," I reply genuinely, because as much as Danny was a monster, his mum and dad were the sweetest people you could ever wish to meet.
The doors to the brick building open and everyone is urged inside. I hang back, waiting for the last person to enter before stepping to a seat at the back of the room. I take a seat as everyone organises themselves.
The celebrant urges everyone to stand as Danny's coffin is walked into the room. I stand and keep my eyes to the floor as I sense his coffin being walked past me. And as I look up to look at the dark wooden box, Danny's best friend locks eyes with me and he looks like he has seen a ghost. Pretty apt for a funeral.
I feel nothing as Danny's body is delivered to the front of the building. I think about his cold, lifeless body enclosed in that little wooden box, and it fills me with joy.
You have no power over me anymore.
"Good afternoon." The celebrant's voice booms to the back of the room. "We are gathered to celebrate the life of Daniel Monroe, or Danny, to his friends and family."
I zone out a little, having to listen to this man say the nicest things about the absolute scumbag I know him to be. The funeral is filled with stories of his childhood and his family and how kind-hearted and clever he was.
Ha, the joke is on you all.
I contemplate walking out as I struggle to listen to the torrent of lies coming out of the celebrant's mouth. Of course, he has no idea he's telling lies. He has no idea about the devil in the box.
"If anyone would like to have a moment and say a few words privately to Danny, please do so on your way out of the building." Those are the last words I hear before people start to shuffle towards the doors at the front of the room, making their way back out into the courtyard.
I hang back for as long as possible, not knowing whether I should do this or not, but fuck it. He's dead, I don't care anymore.
I approach his coffin, the dark, shiny wood gleams under the spotlights, and my hands start to shake. I press them together, willing them to stop and to be as brave as me.
