He considered making conversation about what was going on downstairs or the progress on the trim or the fact that he had to leave soon to get Kate.
No. Now was not the time to avoid the subject.
He dropped onto the floor. “C’mon. Talk to me.”
Jonah exhaled sharply, rubbing his palm against his knee. “Where do I start? First of all, Carly doesn’t believe in me.”
Eli stilled. “What?”
Jonah let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. “She thinks the culinary program is a long shot. That I’m wasting my time.” His grip tightened on the bottle. “Maybe she’s right.”
Eli’s chest ached at the words. “If she loves you, she believes in you.”
Jonah let out a sharp breath, his eyes flickering up to meet Eli’s. “I don’t have a good track record, and I don’t blame her for doubting me. You know, after all this, I’m not sure if she loves me. How’s that for sinking into the depths of self-doubt?”
The last words were mumbled and choked like they were competing with a sob he really didn’t want to give in to.
“Holy hell, I miss her so bad,” he added, swiping at a tear.
Somehow, he wasn’t sure how, Eli knew he wasn’t talking about Carly. The woman he missed was his mother.
“She was, like, my secret weapon, you know?” he rasped, confirming Eli’s guess. “Like I could do anything when she was alive. Now I just drown in second guesses and insecurity.”
Eli stifled a grunt, not sure what to say to that admission.
“I could take on the world when she was in my corner,” Jonah went on. “And, man, she lived in that corner. She always, always believed in me. No matter what. She said, ‘You were made for more, Jonah.’ She never said what ‘more’ was, but she sure made me believe I was made for it.”
Eli closed his eyes, easily hearing his long-departed wife’s voice. Always strong, always happy, always…invincible.
Until she wasn’t.
“She was good like that,” Eli said. “She was a professional cheerleader for the people she loved.”
“How’d you do it?” Jonah asked, looking hard at him. “How’d you start a business and…succeed? I mean…without her?”
Eli considered all the ways to answer that, and wondered which would be the most helpful. The truth was he believed in God, who’d gotten him through every dark night and lonely day. His Father in Heaven had guided, protected, and inspired Eli.
But he expected Jonah would roll his eyes at that, not receptive at all to Eli’s testimony of faith right now.
“I knew it was what she wanted,” he said simply. “She’d have been furious if I gave up. And I do believe I’ll see her again. Iknowthat. So next time I hold your mother, I do not want her to give me that look.”
Jonah puffed out a breath and it turned into a soft laugh. “I know that look. Nothing worse than disappointing Melissa Lawson.”
Eli looked at him. “Then you can’t give up this dream, Jonah.”
He closed his eyes and dropped his head back hard enough that it thudded against the wall. “If I go to the interview tomorrow, I’ll break my streak.” He glanced at Eli from under his lashes. “Fifteen years. I’ve never missed it. Not once.”
“And to think I didn’t even know you were in Atlanta the past four years.”
“I didn’t want to see you,” Jonah said, then held up his hand. “Don’t take that the wrong… No, never mind. Take it any way you want. Things were rough between us, Dad, and I knew I’d disappointed you by quitting school. But I had to see her. On this day, the last time I ever hugged her.”
He was quiet for a moment, his gaze distant as he remembered.
“I left for school that morning and she knew I had a Calc 1 exam, and she also knew I hated that teacher with a white hot fury and was really worried about the test. But she was so encouraging, so sure I’d nail it. She made me promise her I’d get an A.” He winced. “I did, but I never got to tell her.”
Eli could feel his heart drop so hard, it practically hit the garage floor.
“Anyway…” Jonah blew out another loud exhale. “I go for me. It’s like a dose of confidence and hope and all the things she gave me. I go sit by that grave and…you don’t want to know.”
