She could find another and become besotted with them instead. And if he didn’t return, she may even be set on waiting for someone who never came. She could miss out on other opportunities, other potential companions who may be better suited and weren’t full of ugliness on the inside.
Yet it was that same ugliness that wanted to be greedy and selfishly keep her by his side, no matter the consequences.
So Jabez was stuck in this limbo of needing to decide if he’d let her come with him because she had managed to gnaw her way into his essence, or leave her behind so he didn’t destroy her. She may not even want him by the end if he killed her affection for him through his own arrogant stupidity.
She may continue to love him regardless.
There were so many unpredictable paths.
But there is one way...Just one where he felt he could have both.
Sure, there would be times that were hard, but they wouldn’t be smothered in bloodshed until the very end. Not like if he were to attempt domination by instilling fear and violence to get his way – which, of course, was the most dangerous option, and the fastest.
The slow political route. The one he’d sneered at since he’d learned of it because he was impatient to end this.
His lips tightened in resistance as he wrestled with the urge to tell her.What if I’m wrong, though?What if the political route was the worst one he could take?
He could lean on the violent option as an alternative if it failed, but what would become of them then? She’d be more attached – he could be as well – and he’d be fucking stuck in this same conundrum again, but it’d be even more painful in the future.
Fuck. I hate this.
This constant wavering, this back and forth between his wants and desires, was crushing his ability to see clearly. Everything looked too murky.
If he only had himself to worry about, he had no qualms about running horns first into danger. He wasn’t afraid of death; he just stubbornly refused it.
Another much higher pitched and distressed whine ripped from her. She dug her claws into her thighs until he thought she might draw blood, and he was thankful he’d blunted them for her, otherwise she may have. Her trembling worsened with every second he said nothing.
More than ever, he longed to bring her into a comforting hold. He couldn’t; he needed the absence of her right now.
Yet her tears and whimpers were ripping into his chest, and the coldness in him was beginning to burn in ways he’d never experienced before, like frostbite eating away at him.
“There is a small group of Demons, maybe a hundred or so, who have taken over the ruins of an Elven village,” Jabez reluctantly stated, giving in to her, to himself, as his shoulders drooped in defeat. “It was the last foothold of resistance, other than Lezekos City, and it already had walls to protect them. It’s why they lasted so long.”
“Why are you talking about this? I don’t care about the history of the Elvish right now!” she shouted, shaking her head.
He winced and rested his elbow on his knee so he could palm his face.
“Because I’ve already spoken to the leader there. They are fully completed Demons who sought refuge and wanted to rebuild in the forest, away from those who would seek to eat them. They are peaceful people who no longer want to be in danger.” He ran his hand up his face and caressed a horn in frustration. “But their village would be a perfect place for me to initially set up my base because they are tame. I wouldn’t need to worry so much about them turning on me, and I can slowly recruit my army there. It’d be slow to spread word, as the Demons are untrusting of each other, but the potential to invade the city and find actual Elves to eat to further develop, rather than consuming each other, will be hard for many to resist.”
“What is the point in telling me all this if you don’t want me to join you?” she cried, lifting her face to shine orbs so dark the blue of them was threatening to turn black.
Now that she was no longer pressing against her knees, he saw just how fast her tears were trickling from her. They collided with each other to form big, hovering blobs, and took even longer than usual to fade.
“I’m trying to explain that thereisanother option,” he stated, resisting the urge to bellow or roar at her.
His heart was beating hard and fast, and he was trying his best to keep everything in so he could becalm. Yet inside, he was anything but fucking calm.
He was going against his better judgement and the right thing for her, simply becausehedidn’t want to leave this realm without her. And it wasn’teasy. He felt like he was doing the wrong thing, and the guilt of that was twisting into him like a damn knife.
He wanted her. He didn’t know why, and this was something he’d never faced before. He was treading new territory, when he’d always been an unmoving, unbending, unfeeling force.
“There is an option that is safer,” Jabez continued, averting his gaze from her because he justcouldn’tlook at her right then. “One in which you could come with me.”
“Really?” she asked, her voice thick from her sadness, yet her tone so full of hope it was bruising.
“I wouldn’t need to instil fear, but rather a collective ambition that aligns with my own. If my estimations are correct, I can recruit an army that would be a five-to-one ratio against the Elvish. I wouldn’t need to fight to enforce that rule, and my ability to teleport is unique – without me, this plan fails. I could make sure they understand that killing me would ensure failure, because if I alone get access into Lezekos, I can teleport to the mana stone that powers the dome that protects the city. Then I can destroy it, leaving the shield vulnerable.”
It would take a long time. Slowly building such an army would mean he would have to prove his prowess with his magic time and time again. He’d be placing himself in danger, but it was nothing like needing to spar with those who thought him weak.
