“I don’t think I can when it comes to Dad. There aren’t other words to fully express how I feel about him. He’s not supposed to be in contact with us, anyway. Why didn’t you hang up the phone?”
“I don’t know.” I twirl my glass around. I do know. As much as I hate to admit it, I crave the man’s attention and can’t let go of the tiny bit of hope that someday he’ll approve of me.
“I hope you don’t believe what he said about you,” Bobby says, to my surprise.
I don’t answer him or look him in the eye.
Bobby continues, “He seems a lot like my old man, may he not rest in peace. Don’t let him get to you. You’re not a loser. Listen to the people who care about you, not him.”
* * *
“I gotta hit the little boys’ room,” I tell Ash and Bobby a couple hours and several beers later.
“You need me to help you find it?” my brother asks.
“Haha. You’re hilarious, Sober Sheila.”
“You know how much I love it when you make fun of me for not drinking,” he says.
“I actually like that you don’t drink, because it means you’ll always be able to pay my tab and carry me home.”
“Whatever. Take care of your business, and then we’ll head out.”
“You don’t get to tell me when I’m going home,” I protest.
He rolls his eyes. “Go. And try to find a better attitude before you get back.”
“So bossy,” I mutter as I make my way to the back of the bar on slightly unsteady feet.
When I come out of the bathroom, I run into a woman in the dark, narrow hallway. I grip her waist to steady us both, and when I focus on her face, I realize it’s Tammy.
“Tammy! Oh, my favorite Tammy who brings me delicious drinks. You okay?”
Her gaze flickers from my eyes to my mouth and back to my eyes. “I’m good. You?”
“Fine and dandy,” I say. “Fine and dandy.”
“You’re still holding onto me,” Tammy says, with another glance at my mouth. I wonder if I have something stuck in my teeth.
“Making sure you don’t fall,” I say, although I’m the one who’s more likely to hit the floor, as my head is suddenly spinning. I knew shouldn’t drink that last beer she brought me, but when Dad’s words echoed through my mind for the hundredth time, I guzzled it down.
“Don’t want you to fall.” I tighten my grip on her as the room whirls around me. “That wouldn’t do at all.”
“Why wouldn’t it do?” she asks softly as she steps closer to me.
“Well, we wouldn’t want anything to happen to your pretty face now, would we?”
Before I can comprehend what’s happening, her body presses up against me, and her mouth is on mine. I automatically kiss her back, but I have a niggling feeling there’s a reason I shouldn’t. When her tongue swipes along the seam of my lips, Wendy’s face suddenly pops into my mind, and I freeze. I twist my head to the side and set Tammy away from me.
“I can’t.” I gasp for breath. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I have a girlfriend.”
Tammy’s hand goes to her mouth. “Oh, no,” she says. “I didn’t know.I didn’t know!I’m so sorry, Randall. I’m not that kind of woman. I promise. Ohhh.” Her other hand rests on her belly. “I’m going to be sick.”
She bolts into the women’s bathroom, and a few seconds later I hear retching noises. The sound triggers my own gag reflex, and I rush back into the men’s room to empty my guts into the toilet.
After I clean up, I steel myself to head back out, praying I won’t see her. I walk back to our table as quickly and steadily as possible.
“You fall in?” my brother jokes as I approach.
