prologue
Chicago, May 1988
“Can we do this again?” Randall asks, his cheek resting against my head as I sit curled up on his lap on his couch.
I pull slightly away from him so I can look him in the eye. “Do what again?”
“This.”He points to me and them himself. “You and me. Here. Doing this. Talking. Whatever.”
My eyes widen as my heart pounds. “But earlier you said …”
Panic flits across his face before he tamps it down, but I catch it.
“I said I’m not going to kiss you, and I’m definitely not ready to date anyone right now,” he says. “It hasn’t even been a week since Colleen and I broke up. But we’re friends, right? I trust you, and I’ve enjoyed being here with you and talking to you. I needed this. I want to do it again. Do you?”
I search his eyes as I consider what I want. I want him, I know that. But do I want what he proposed? Can I handle it? Can I let him hold me like this, be emotionally vulnerable with him, and keep it from going beyond that? Externally, I think I can. But internally, it’ll kill me to keep my feelings to myself and not fall for him even more than I already have.
This is a terrible idea,my brain says.
“Yeah, I want to do it again,” my mouth says.
“Promise me you won’t tell Leslie,” he says as he tucks my hair behind my ear. “She and Ash need to focus on each other right now, not on us.”
My friend Leslie and Randall’s brother Ash are currently on their first official date. I haven’t known Leslie all that long, but we’ve become close very quickly. I don’t want to keep something like this from her, but I also don’t look forward to her interrogating me about it, which she’ll undoubtedly do. She’ll be shocked beyond belief that I’m interested in spending time with Randall, and I can’t imagine she’ll think what he’s proposing is a good idea, either. Because it’s not.
“Okay,” I agree. “And if we don’t want them to know, we should probably hang out at my place instead of yours, since Ash has a key to your apartment.”
“Great plan,” he says. “Ash doesn’t always warn me before he stops by.” He gently pushes my head back against his shoulder and folds his arms around me. “Now, tell me all the reasons you think I’m amazing.”
I giggle. “You’re a mess.”
“Come on, don’t get shy on me now.” He squeezes me. “I need a boost after the way Colleen treated me. Tell me why you like me. And if the reasons are good enough, I might also tell you why I like you.”
My heart rate increases, and I try to will it back to normal as I admit, “I like that you can act goofy and not be ashamed of it. I like how you make everyone around you feel like they’re important. And sometimes I like your cockiness.”
“Only sometimes?” He pokes my side, and I giggle again.
“Yes, only sometimes. I like that you’re confident in yourself. But you don’t always have the best judgment about when to rein it in.”
He’s quiet for a moment before saying, “I can’t argue with that. And that’s one thing I like about you—you’re not afraid to tell people what you really think. Although …”
I lean away so I can look at him again. “Although what?”
He smirks at me. “You don’t always have the best judgment about when to rein it in.”
I swat his chest. “Hey!”
“It’s true, though. You can’t deny it.”
“Okay, fine. You’re right. Sometimes I should keep my mouth shut.”
“You have the cutest little mouth, though.”
His hand moves to my cheek as his gaze lingers on my lips, and I grasp his wrist.
“Don’t do that,” I whisper.
“Right.” He moves his hand back to my hip, which isn’t much better. “Sorry. We’re friends. Friends don’t say or do things like that.”
