Page 65 of Free Fall
I turn toward her. I can tell my face is pleading with her. I feel like she holds all the answers right now. She’ll know. She’s gone through it. She’s been there done that. Within her small frame lies all the answers.
“I don’t know,” she says simply. “It feels too easy to say yes and too easy to say no. I don’t think we’re meant to know.”
“But what if we did?”
“But you can’t possibly know, Briar, right? That’s the point.”
I shake my head. I’m not sure that is the point. Eventually something bad is going to happen. Sasha will release that picture. Someone else close to me will die. Hell, my parents will at some point. That’s just the way of life. Accidents. Disease. Old age.
We’re all fucked. Every single one of us.
“Should I call your parents?” she asks hesitantly. I can tell she thinks she let me down on this, but neither one of us can lie to the other.
I shake my head and force a smile. “No, I’m fine.” I shrug. “You answered everything I need to know.”
She looks at me warily. “Reid then? I can call him.”
“Come on,” I say, gently pushing her shoulder in jest even though that’s the last thing I feel like doing right now. Is it dumb to think that all these relationships I have are meaningless? They’re all going to end in death, so aren’t they meaningless in the end? If all roads lead to your very life ceasing to exist, what’s the point?
I feel a black cloud descend over me. This is some seriously deep shit I’m thinking about right now. It’s way bigger than me, making me feel so, so small in an already fucked up world.
I kind of hate Brady right now. If he’d never died, I wouldn’t be thinking any of this. I wouldn’t have to have an existential crisis at seven-fucking-teen.
“Alright,” she says. “I know what will make you feel better. Let’s go see your hottie boyfriend obliterate this team. Okay?”
I nod, again smiling a smile I don’t really feel. Maybe I’m good at hiding it though because Jules gets out of the car. While she’s stepping out and closing her door, I take a deep breath. I know I’m not in the right head space to make any decisions right now. What decisions are there to make anyway? It’s not that I don’t like where my life is right now. I do have a hottie for a boyfriend. I have great friends. There’s just… I don’t know.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out and see I have a message from Ezra. I went and changed every single one of my passwords to something ridiculously tricky. No one is getting into that shit anymore.Hey,it reads.Sorry about getting hacked. I’ve missed talking to you. Things got weird there for a minute, but I didn’t mean them to. I just wasn’t feeling myself. I’m glad you have someone now. I’m here if you need me.
Wow. Okay. That’s more like the Ezra I remember. I shake my head and put my phone back in my pocket before meeting up with Jules at the front of the car and heading toward the stands in a back field. We pass the baseball field first before we get to the green of the football field. Then, Jules and I walk up the steps to find a good place to sit. Across the field, there’s a smaller set of stands for the away team crowd. Technically, we should probably be sitting there, but there’s a much better view from here.
The guys are all warming up on the field. Soon, they do the coin toss in the middle and the game starts shortly after.
Reid is killing it. Cade and Lex are doing amazing too, but we’re pretty much kicking this team’s ass. It makes me miss Brady. Then again, what doesn’t?
During halftime, the SHH cheerleaders come over to “meet” these cheerleaders. Each team does a cheer for the other, probably one of their best to show off before talking for a bit. My eyes train on Sasha. She’s like the evil queen dressed up with a huge bow in her hair and flawless skin. Before our squad leaves to make the trek back around the track to head over to the away team’s side, a football player jogs over to her. They talk for a moment, and she puts her hand on his chest. I nudge Jules. “See that?”
“Oh yeah, I see that,” she says. We both shake our heads. She acts like losing Reid was the worst thing for her, but if it was, why would she be going from one guy to the next? What happened to the lacrosse guy back at Spring Hill?
I pull out my phone and take a quick picture. It doesn’t really prove anything, but hell, it might. The guys said we needed to get dirt on her and maybe if she thinks this proves she’s cheating on the lacrosse player guy, she’ll be more apt to keep the picture she has of me to herself. Maybe I should tell Ezra exactly what happened too. I’ve been grappling with that decision, but in the end, I keep saying it’s not really any of his business. It’s not like we have a relationship, and I don’t want to make it awkward for either one of us. This is Sasha’s fault through and through.
The second half starts, and I’m watching the game with an intensity I haven’t in a while. Maybe it’s just because of how well Reid is playing. It makes me smile to think he’s definitely getting out of Spring Hill. He’s going to go to college on a scholarship for sure. That thought nags at me at the same time though. What about me? What about us?
Why do people my age have to make all these grand decisions that affect the rest of their lives? I’m finally realizing I’m not equipped to make these decisions. I feel like everything I do is going to be wrong.
This is what’s running through my head when I hear the crack that ricochets through the stadium. I blink, trying to make the game come into focus. I hadn’t been paying attention for a few moments. All I know is that SHH had the ball, but now there’s a bunch of players standing together, necks bent at the field.
Jules stands. “Oh shit.”
“What?” I say.
One guy wearing the opposing team’s jersey pushes past the group that’s standing there. He whips his helmet off, a smirk taking over his face. I watch as he runs and sits on the bench, taking a swig of water from one of the many plastic bottles around. It’s the same guy who Sasha was cozying up to.
“What are you doing? Come on,” Jules says, glaring at me. Finally, she takes my hand and pulls. We start moving down the stands as the players drop to one knee.
“What’s going on?” I blurt out.
“It’s Reid. He got sacked. Hard.”
