That’s why I’d run. I was ready to jump the blonde stranger. Had I stayed I would’ve done something I couldn’t take back, and Hayley didn’t deserve that. Neither did I honestly. I didn’t want to be a cheater. So, I’d run to save myself. From myself.
Tall and handsome would have to wait until I’d spoken with Hayley. I just needed to figure out who he was, then I would approach him and hopefully stay put.
But first, Hayley.
I had no idea if Hayley would be home or not. Having slept in my dorm for the first time in months, I no longer knew her whereabouts like I usually did. She’d been drunk the night before and I knew she’d been pissed when I left. I mentally prepared myself as I opened the door to her apartment.
To call the apartment a mess would be an understatement. Hell, there was fucking gravel in the hallway. How?! I was glad I didn’t have to clean anything up but also felt guilty over leaving Hayley when I knew she would have a banging hangover.
I found her in the bedroom. She was wearing a towel while finding her outfit for the day. I leaned against the doorframe and knocked gently to get her attention.
She whirled around and gave me a soft smile. “I’m so sorry about yesterday!” she rushed out, quickly grabbing something and pulling it on.
“It’s okay,” I assured her, sitting down on the bed as she pushed her legs through her favorite jeans. “You’re allowed to have fun with your friends.” She smiled at that, seemingly relieved I wasn’t mad. “But wedoneed to talk.” Her smile disappeared. Those words never meant anything good, and we both knew it.
“Okay,” she said, nodding slowly. I patted the spot next to me and waited for her to join me. I wanted a serious conversation and I felt with her standing and me sitting it wouldn’t feel like an intimate conversation, and I really wanted this to end well. I still loved her, even if it was only as a friend. She still deserved for me to do this properly.
She sat and I just blurted the words. “I realized yesterday that I wasn’t in love with you anymore.” She blinked at me, her mouth gaping, so I continued. “I still love you, but yesterday it became clear that it wasn’t romantic love, in fact, I don’t think it ever really was like that for me.” I hated admitting that. I knew it would hurt her feelings hearing I might’ve never truly loved her, but I also didn’t want to lie to her. I took her hand in mine and looked at her, truly looked at her. And there was no attraction at all. Nothing at all like I’d found with the handsome stranger.
“I had the same realization,” she admitted softly. I felt my shoulders relax. “I just figured it out two weeks ago. That’s why I started seeing my friends more. I hoped it would help our relationship if I tended to myself a bit more. But it didn’t, it only showed me we weren’t compatible as partners, maybe we never were. But I also knew I didn’t want either of us to change.”
I rubbed her hand with my thumb, showing her I was listening. “I just hope we can go back to being friends,” I told her honestly. “I don’t want to lose you in my life.”
“Me too,” she replied with teary eyes. She took in a deep breath, gearing up to say something else it seemed. “I also have another…confession. I..” she sighed, then continued. “I have a crush on one of my friends. He doesn’t know it yet, and I haven’t cheated on you with him. But my growing feelings for him are also a part of why I know we don’t work anymore. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have fallen for him.”
Her words didn’t hurt. It was actually the opposite, and having her come clean meant I could too. “I met a guy today, at school,” I blurted, feeling vulnerable speaking about him out loud. She looked at me confused but nodded for me to continue. “He made me feel things, Hayley. Things I’ve never felt before. God, Hayley, the man had me so turned on I almost jumped him on sight. That’s not me. That’s never been me.” Her eyes grew comically wide as I continued. “He’s just so beautiful. I don’t think I ever really knew what attraction felt like until today. No offense,” I quickly added.
She grinned. “None taken.” I could tell, though, that my words did sting a bit and why wouldn’t they? She truly deserved someone who would look at her and be attracted to her beauty. “So, you found a guy you could possibly date?” she sounded worried on my behalf. I understood it might take a while for her to get used to me being into a guy and no longer her boyfriend. Hell, even I needed to get used to it. Ten minutes ago, we were dating and now we talked about our crushes on other people. It was a weird day.
“Well, he did call me beautiful,” I admitted, feeling a blush forming on my cheeks.
“Seriously? The first guy you like and he’s gay too? What are the fucking odds?” She teased and bumped her shoulder againstmine. “Ask him out! You’re single now and I have my eyes on someone else too. We don’t have to wait with dating others if we’re both okay with it.”
“I agree with you on that. There’s just a tiny issue about me dating him,” I looked away feeling stupid as I revisited the horrible moment where I ran.
“Oh, honey, there are videos for that! And I think books too,” she calmly assured me.
“What?! No notthatissue!” I quickly defended myself.
“Hey! I’m not judging! If I was going to ask out a girl I’d want to read up on things too beforehand. There’s no shame in that, Remi.”
I shook my head. “I ran!” I blurted, desperate for a change in topic.
“Ran where?” she asked confused.
I gulped. “Away from him.”
“You did not!”
“Oh, but I did.” I sighed. “He was so beautiful and sexy, I feared I couldn’t control myself. I wasn’t going to do anything that would hurt your feelings, so I ran.”
“Aww, honey. I love that you thought of my feelings, but maybe next time act like a normal person? Besides I’m sure you can move past it. He called you beautiful, right?” I nodded. “So, he’s interested. Did you get his number?”
“Not even his name,” I realized.
“Well, then get your ass back there and find him! Maybe Jason knows him, he seems to know everyone.” She patted my arm and went to put on her makeup.
“I’ll ask him,” I told her and pressed a quick kiss on her cheek before I started packing my things from her apartment. This was likely the weirdest breakup in history, but it was very us. Hayley and I had been friends for so long and it was obvious now we worked better that way. We’d returned to the ease of beingsupportive friends immediately, and it was clear that we were both relieved. I felt grateful that I still had her in my life and that she had someone else she wanted to pursue. It might seem selfish, but I really wanted the blonde stranger, and knowing she wasn’t hurting helped. I could get to know the man without feeling guilty and having Hayley’s support would be a huge help since she knew me better than anyone.
