And then it clicks. Jesus fuck. I’m wearing one of Erik’s old hockey shirts. At some point, I started wearing them to sleep, and now I don’t even think twice about slipping one on.
I stand still, trying to figure out what to say.
“Isthata touchy subject?” she asks, straightening up.
“No, not at all,” I say. “I was seeing one of their players a while back, but he signed with a team in Sweden and moved over there.”
“Huh. You still like him, don’t you?”
I let out a dry huff and flick my eyes to the ceiling. “Oh, come on.”
“What?” Emily puts her hands up. “You’re wearing the guy’s shirt and you got all grumpy when you said that he left. Am I wrong?”
“No, you aren’t. I know that’s pathetic as hell, so don’t start.”
“It isn’t pathetic,” she says. “That’s actually so sweet.”
“Is it? Really?”
“Oh yeah.” She clasps her hands together. “There has to be a reason why you’re still into him.”
“It’s because he’s hot,” I say, deciding to avoid the full truth. She doesn’t need to know how far gone I am for Erik. “I light up like a Canada Day bonfire whenever I see him.”
Emily cackles, and I freeze. She’s mycoworker, which means this conversation is borderline inappropriate, but hey, worse things have been done in the office by people who aren’t me.
“Wow, Luke, what does the guy look like?”
I zoom into a selfie that Erik and I took at the arcade bar and show her. It’s the same photo I always go back to.
“Holy shit. I donotblame you for still being into him. He’s a snack with a capital S and three Ks.” Emily scrutinizes the phone for a bit longer. “Wait. Is this…” she zooms out. “It’s a selfie of you two! You guys are so cute!”
My ears burn. “Again, he lives in Sweden.”
“Have you thought about visiting him?”
Placing my glass of water down on the counter, I cross my arms and avoid Emily’s questioning gaze. “Honestly, no, I haven’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because that’s weird?” I stop there, but Emily motions for me to continue. “He left, and I don’t want to be all awkward and ask if I can fly across the world to see him. Besides, I’m pretty sure visiting would only make my feelings grow.”
Emily takes a sip of her wine, thinking. “Yeah, one week wouldn’t be enough. So when are you moving to Sweden?”
I give her a blank stare. “Moving? Why the hell would I do that?” My tone makes it sound like movinganywhereis a ludicrous idea, but I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t considering it. Still, I was thinking of going somewherewarm.
Emily tilts her head. “I’m mostly kidding, but your guy is there, and our company has an office in Sweden.”
I bark out a dry laugh and point at her. “My guy? Do not feed into my delusions. We’re?—”
—sexting until one of us moves on, which hasn’t happened yet. And it’s obvious that we both still like each other.
“—friends. Nothing more.”
Emily puts her hands up. “Okay, okay, all I’m saying is that we get twenty days of vacation every year. You should think about using some of them to visit that guy.”
“I’ll think about it,” I say.
To be fair, I could use some time off. It’s been a while.
