Page 108 of Brian and Mina's Holiday Hits
“You’re the most thoughtful sociopath I know,” I say, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
He makes a face like this is too much sweet mushiness for him. I put on a lighter coat from the back seat, get out of the car, and bump the door shut with my hip.
The gas station is in a deserted area off the beaten path. I’m surprised they even had WiFi we could use. The bathroom is inside, though. I get the key from the guy at the counter. There are two stalls inside. I’ve just shut the door on my stall and turned the latch when the outer door opens.
“Brian?”
“No, Sweetheart. This ain’t no Brian. We don’t get pretty little things around here like you.”
I pull a knife from an ankle holster. I would be strapped with guns right now except for the fact that hours of driving and wearing a gun isn’t the most comfortable way to travel. I’m a squirmy traveler anyway.
I jump when he bangs on the door. “Come on out now, Girl.”
Jesus, this cretin. “I’ve got a man with me,” I say, and I cringe at myself for even saying these words. But, it’s true.
“I’m sure he won’t mind sharin’. I took a look at him out there. I’m sure we can come to some arrangement, given that I could probably kill him just by sittin’ on him. I get awful lonely out on this stretch of highway as I’m sure you can imagine.”
I grip the knife harder in my hand trying to think of the best way to get out of this logistically. The cramped space of this bathroom stall doesn’t exactly afford me a lot of options. I could crawl under and into the handicap stall and have more room, maybe? I wonder if I should stand up on the toilet seat, if that angle would offer me any advantage my current position doesn’t.
Before I can make a decision one way or the other, I hear a bone crack and then the guy’s body drops to the ground. His eyes stare up at me sightlessly from under the gap in the door.
“One gas station attendant down,” Brian says. “Don’t worry, I’ll let you get the next one.”
I put my knife back in the holster, my hands shaking. Of all the terrifying situations we’ve been in, this backwoods bubba is somehow the scariest. I should have worn my gun.
I unlatch and open the door to find Brian staring down at him. “I think this dude has body dysmorphia. There’s no way he’s big enough to kill me by sitting on me.”
I climb over the guy and fling myself into Brian’s arms. He strokes my hair and presses a kiss to the top of my forehead. “Did you pee?”
“No. I forgot.”
He chuckles. “Pee, I’ll guard you.”
So gallant. “I feel like if I do it in front of you it’ll kill the romance.”
“I’ll stand outside.”
“Will you drag him over into the corner first, so he can’t watch me?”
“He’s dead, Mina.”
“Yeah but his eyeballs are still gonna get a front row seat.”
Brian sighs but drags the body away.
“I’m going to get rid of the video evidence and take the money out of the till. When you get out, grab us some free snacks.”
“Aye, Aye, Captain.”
FIFTY-FIVE
brian
Monday,February 14th. Valentine’s Day.
“Let me do the talking. Gremlin isn’t exactly the most enlightened arms dealer.”
“There are enlightened arms dealers?” Mina quips.
