“Finch.” I lean in closer, tucking some of the hair curtaining her face behind her ear. “Look at me.” Lightly grabbing her chin, I turn her face toward me.
When she gazes at me, it feels like a sucker punch straight to the gut. She looks conflicted, and it has me worried that it’s not just about her guilt over her fight with Rat Boy, but about what she thinks of me after what he said.
I wish I could say the words that came out of his mouth about me were completely untrue, but I have had more than my fair share of random hookups throughout the years. I used to brag about them not too long ago, but I feel ashamed now.
I know she’s probably overanalyzing his words about my crude past, but I pray she doesn’t think she’s just another girl I’m trying to get with. She’s so far from that. All the other girls, I wanted them in the moment. But Olivia, I want her for the long haul.
“I’m sorry.” The words fall thick from my lips, loaded.
I’m sorry this happened. I’m sorry he lashed out at you. I’m sorry for my past. I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner. I’m sorry for coming into your life, probably making it more complicated than it already was. I’m sorry for wanting you even though I don’t deserve you. I’m sorry for falling for you even though I know I’m not good enough for you. I’m sorry for all of it. Everything.
As she looks at the expression on my face, staring into my eyes, I watch her face drop with an emotion I can’t quite decipher.
Surprising me, she leans forward and places a soft, lingering kiss on my cheek.
“It’s okay,” she whispers, her small voice packed with meaning.
I bring her hand up to my lips, pressing them to the back of it. “Are you sure?”
She nods, a small but genuine smile gracing her lips.
I let out a sigh of relief, the weight lifting off my shoulders just as our professor walks in and stands at the front of the room, gaining everyone’s attention.
“Good afternoon, class. As I’m sure you all know, finals are next week. For this class you will have a final for both lecture and lab. The final for lecture will be held next Tuesday at regular class time and your lab final will be based on your lab section, so please refer to the university website for the scheduled times.
“Now, I know it’s a lot to have a final for both lab and lecture,” the professor continues, “so I’m willing to compromise. For the lab portion, since it’s a lot of memorization, I want you to work with your partner and take the final as a pair. You two will have to count on each other, so make sure to study wisely. Your best bet is to split the memorization up fifty-fifty.”
The room bursts into a mix of emotions at the news. Some are thrilled while others are annoyed or uneasy at the thought. Me, I’m pretty stoked.
I glance at Olivia to find her expression blank, making me somewhat uneasy.
For me, this is great, getting to work with the smartest girl in the class. I guess you could call it an unfair advantage for me and a disadvantage for her, since I’m admittedly not the brightest student. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to make her carry all the weight. I’m willing to split the work evenly.
“Hey.” I gently nudge her side with my elbow. “We got this,” I assure her. “I got this.”
She gives me a small, tight-lipped smile, turning her attention to our professor as lecture begins.
After lecture, Olivia, Delilah, and I pack up our things and head out of the lecture hall. Walking through the building, I hesitantly grab Olivia’s hand, lacing our fingers together.
She glances down at our hands, a smile playing on her lips.
I’ve never been one to engage in PDA. The few times I have, it was in the spirit of meaningless fun or to tease, like making out in a dark corner of a crowded frat party and getting handsy. But now it’s to actually show affection. To proudly claim my feelings for one girl in particular.
Holding Olivia’s hand feels different from the other times before. It feels secure, confident, easy. I’ve never held a girl’s hand, unless you count the times Adrianna would possessively grab my hand, dragging me along, trying to declare some sort of relationship. But now all I want to do is hold Olivia’s hand or touch her in some way. I used to make fun of guys who would practically hang off of their girlfriends or act like if they weren’t touching them, they’d die. Now I’m starting to understand.
As we walk outside and down the sidewalk, I dread the upcoming fork where we’ll have to go our separate ways to our next class.
Olivia stops her conversation with Delilah as we make it to the fork and stops at the same time I do, turning to face me.
“I’ll see you later,” I say, leaning in to place a quick kiss to her lips. “Study in my room tonight?”
“Your room?” I hear an all-too-familiar voice ask, appalled.
I turn my head to find a pair of piercing green eyes gawking at us, envy blazing behind them.
“Your room?” she repeats, as if it’s some kind of joke.
I clench my jaw, mentally counting to three, willing patience. “Mind your own business, Adrianna.”
