“Oh god, he wasn’t...”
“There while we...? No. Besides, he knows better than to come into my room without asking first. We established that early on. And also, he was really invested in us having sex, so he wouldn’t have risked interrupting.”
“Why was he invested in us— You know what? Never mind. I don’t think I can handle all of this information right now.”
“Fair enough,” she says.
They eat in silence for a while longer. Eventually, Gretchen decides to change the subject, hoping to drain the shock off Charlie’s face. “So, market was good today. We pretty much sold out.”
“Yeah. Nice weather brought a decent crowd,” he responds, obviously thankful to take part in a superficial conversation. He stands and takes his bowl over to the sink. “If I haven’t already said it, I appreciate you reaching out to Hannah about distributing for us. It’ll help a lot.”
“It will, but probably not enough to make a real difference.”Gretchen stands too, joining him at the sink with her own dishes. “The cash flow is a real problem, Charlie. You’re what? Fifteen thousand in the hole right now? That’s a whole lotta cheese to sell.”
He sighs and leans into the counter. “Maybe I could look into a loan again. Last time I talked to the bank, the interest rates were too high, which is one of the reasons I decided to sell instead. But if I can’t do that, then—”
“What about Mrs. Van Alst? I’m sure she would be more than happy to help you out. And she certainly has it. Especially since she won’t be seeing me anymore.” Because at some point over the last twenty-four hours, Gretchen decided that whatever her future holds, it cannot include exploiting Mrs. Van Alst. Which is what she would be doing if she continued seeing her when she’s no longer helping her all that much.
Charlie looks at her for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to talk about Gretchen choosing not to enforce her part of their original bargain. Eventually, he shakes his head. “I can’t ask Deborah for money. What if I can’t pay her back?”
“I’m not sure she’d even expect you to, to be honest. When I talked to her, she seemed eager to help you out, no matter what that meant. No matter the cost.”
He scoffs. “I’m not you, Acorn. I can’t justtakefrom her because she’s willing to give. I have my pride.”
“Ouch,” Gretchen responds. She turns away so he won’t see how that comment crash-landed in her chest.
Charlie’s hand comes to her shoulder, then his other finds her waist. “I’m sorry. That was shitty of me. I don’t... That isn’t really what I think about you.”
“Yes, you do,” she counters, letting herself melt into his heat.“And it’s fine. It’s no less than I deserve. You were right when I showed up on your doorstep. I’m a fraud, Charlie. I take advantage of people when they’re at their most vulnerable.”
“You give them hope.”
She looks over her shoulder at him, surprised.
“I’m not saying I agree with it or that you should keep doing it. But... I do believe that you’ve done more good than harm overall since you struck out on your own. And that your heart’s been in the right place. Mostly. Probably. Sometimes.” Charlie flashes that rare smile of his, so rakishly lopsided. Then he leans closer, and his lips brush against her ear, sending a light shock through her system. “I can’t know what it was like for you, why you’ve made the choices you have. But I want to understand. If you’re ever ready to tell me.”
She turns in the cage of his arms and runs her fingers up through his hair. “Maybe one day.”And maybe never. The entirety of her life is a story she isn’t sure she’s ready or willing to tell, even to Charlie. Just him giving her the benefit of the doubt, that maybe she isn’t a total monster driven by pure greed, is so much more than she ever expected to get. No reason to press her luck now, when their time together is almost up.
He pulls her closer, and the intimacy between them is too much, way more than Gretchen ever signed up for, really. So she kisses him hard, forcing the moment into purely physical territory so that she can better navigate it. Charlie has both straps of her overalls undone and his hand down the back of them when Everett Kool-Aid Mans into the kitchen from somewhere outside.
“I’m baaaack!” he sings, then notices that he’s interrupted and starts slowly reversing out of the room. “Oh, interrupting again. Whoopsie. Don’t mind me!”
But Gretchen lets out an exasperated sigh into Charlie’s neck.
“What’s up?” he asks.
“Everett. He’s back.”
“Ah.” Charlie closes his eyes for a moment. “He still here?”
She glances over his shoulder to find about half of the ghost still protruding from the wall. As if she wasn’t going to notice. “Somewhat.”
“Will he follow us if we head up to my room?”
“Not if he knows what’s good for him,” she says, her eyes meeting Everett’s in warning.
32
They roll apart, sweaty skin peeling away from sweaty skin, hearts racing and chests heaving. There’s a shallow crescent of indentations on Charlie’s left shoulder, where Gretchen sunk her teeth into the weeping willow’s leaves as she came. She’d feel guiltier about it if she wasn’t certain she would have a row of fingertip-sized bruises on each of her hips tomorrow.
