“Considering we are currently staying in his house, does that mean it’s better now?”
“We’re back on speaking terms, at least. Mostly thanks to my sister. She insisted we patch things up before her wedding. So for the last couple of years, I’ve been coming here for Christmas and whenever else she and Jan decide to visit. And it’s... it’s all right.”
Josh’s text to Hollis flashes in my mind.You should know she’s only using you to get back at me. Must’ve heard that’s all you’re good for.“That bastard,” I say.
“Pardon?”
“Josh. He knows about this, about what happened with Vanessa, doesn’t he? That’s why he said what he said in that text. About me using you. To dredge up all those bad memories.”
“Yeah. When we were doing memoir stuff in one of our classes, I wrote a bit about it.” He brushes my hair from my face, still careful to avoid the bruise from the deer. “I’m sorry I let his stupid texts get to me, by the way. You’re nothing like her. You’re pretty much the anti-Vanessa, actually.”
“And IswearI’ve never even met your dad.”
Hollis playfully pushes my shoulder until I’m on my back.“Not funny,” he says from his sudden new position on top of me. But there’s a slight lift to the corner of his mouth.
“I’m sorry she hurt you,” I say, removing his glasses and placing them on the nightstand. He has that one lusty eye, one annoyed eye thing going on again. But they shift as my words sink in. Now there’s vulnerability and some sort of warmth that I haven’t seen there before.
“I’m sorry she did too.”
It’s such an odd and unexpected response that I grab hold of it before it can zoom past unexamined.
“Why areyousorry?” When he doesn’t immediately respond I nudge him with my elbow. “If you need to apologize for anything, it’s your terrible taste in movies as a kid.” His eyes follow mine as they drift over to a poster for the 2004 version ofCatwoman.
“You found my DVD ofShowgirlsand yet you think half-naked Halle Berry was in my room because I was a fan of the movie? You of all people should know how gross teenage boys are about beautiful celebrity women.”
“Ew,” I say.
“Yeah, well, if it’s any consolation at all, I would rather die than walk up to Halle Berry at an airport and reveal that I used to jack it to her on the daily.”
“Chivalry isn’t dead after all,” I say.
Hollis kisses me with a suspicious intensity. He’s trying to distract me. But it’s not going to work. At least not for more than like... a few minutes.
“Why are you sorry she hurt you?” I repeat, turning my head to dodge the next kiss when my need for his words finally overrides my need for his mouth. I know we’re already at like a thousand intimacies. I know this was more than Hollis ever meant toshare with me. But I’m greedy for whatever is past this. I’m finding that I’m becoming greedy for everything when it comes to him.
Hollis pauses for a moment, letting out a slow sigh.
“Because,” he whispers against my skin as his fingers comb deeper into my hair, “if I still believed in happily ever afters, I think I would’ve begrudgingly enjoyed having one with you.”
Hollis stares down at me. If he’s waiting for a verbal response, we’re going to be here a very long time. I cannot form a coherent thought, much less put one into words. Hollis’s declaration is like an eraser scrubbing frantically at a chalkboard, except the chalkboard is my brain and it’s now pretty much blank except for some dust to remind me there was once something there.
I take his face in my hands and pull his mouth back to mine. It’s the coward’s way out, I know. But my affection for Hollis is growing so rapidly that I can hardly keep up with it (much less outrun it). And I don’t know how to put that into words without it also sounding like a lament that he can’t offer me anything beyond what we’re doing right now.
I’m surprised and also somehow not surprised to realize that I am disappointed. Him acknowledging that we might have had a future under different circumstances seems to have pried open the little hope-filled treasure chest that I’ve kept buried deep inside my heart lately, then plundered its contents in one fell swoop. Kissing the pirate feels easier than confronting him over the theft.
Our nakedness hastens things along, and soon Hollis moves down my body and rests his head on one of my breasts while he cups the other. His thumb brushes over my nipple, back and forth, back and forth. I close my eyes to savor the way the sensation pulls at some intricate knot low in my stomach, threatening to unravel it. My fingers thread into Hollis’s hair, and he lets out a barelyaudible moan as I mimic his rhythm over his scalp. Soon his movements slow. The initial frustration I feel as his hand comes to a rest is eclipsed by the expectation that he is going to switch sides, or maybe use his tongue. Except he doesn’t. Because he’s fallen asleep.
“Hey,” I say, nudging his shoulder. “Wake up.”
“Sorry,” he mumbles. “I was just... taking a short break.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure you were.”
“Where was I?” He plants a kiss on my breastbone, then gives a yawn so big that I can see the dangly thing in the back of his throat.
I slept something like five hours in the car, but Hollis has been up since early this morning. And last night wasn’t exactly restful. “Bedtime,” I decide, rolling out from under him.
“But, Mill, I want you—”
