“Martha?” a man’s voice calls from her side of the phone.
He sounds like my father.
“Talking to my daughter!” she calls back.
“Is that Dad?” I ask. “Are you still at the cottage?”
“No, I’m back in Burlington.” She pauses. “It’s actually the new man I’m seeing.”
“You’redating?” I ask. “Since when?”
“Oh, it’s recent,” she says vaguely. “Nothing serious.”
“Anyone I know?”
“No. But he’s a wonderful person.”
“Good,” I say. “I want that for you.”
And I want it for myself too.
I want better for myself than Gabe Newhouse, a man who never deserved me.
I want better for myself than Felix Segrave, a man who won’t take a chance on me.
And I want better for myself than the person I’ve become—this girl who has resigned herself to a small, dissatisfying life.
I want happiness. I want fulfillment. I want love.
And right here, in this moment, I resolve that I am going to get it.
Felix
My flight touches down at Heathrow on a cold, rainy morning. The damp chill feels like my soul returning to my body.
I take a taxi straight to the Smoke and Gun.
Sophie is there, doing inventory in the back office. She startles when I walk in. “Felix!”
“Hi, sorry,” I say. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Jesus, mate,” she says, taking me in. “You look like hell.”
“Just tired. Long flight.”
“Yeah, maybe go home and sleep it off? You’ll scare away the punters.”
“I wanted to see if you needed a hand.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “Coulda sent me a text for that, couldn’t ya? You wanted to come see if I sank the ship in your absence. I’ll have you know everything’s fine. Or fine enough that you can go home and take a nap.”
I sink down in a chair. “Well, I’m here. Have a minute to go over the books?”
She gives me a long-suffering sigh but slides over her laptop. We spend two hours reviewing staffing schedules, supply orders, P&L. Everything’sin perfect order. So much so that my ego’s a bit bruised by how little I’m needed.
I return to my carefully structured days and my rigorous routine. I return to micromanaging every last detail in my pubs, to Sophie’s obvious irritation. I return to Sunday lunches with the family, Thursday nights out with my mates, Arsenal games whenever I have the time.
I’m steady, yes.
