“Dezzie!” I say. “What’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”
“It’s Rob,” she chokes out.
I feel a sharp, shameful relief that whatever horrible thing this call is about, it’s not Seth. And then an overwhelming wave of guilt that this is my reaction to my best friend’s hysteria. I’m seeing more horrific visions. I think of Covid. I think of cancer. I put my fingers on the table and press them down to make myself talk instead of spiraling.
“What’s wrong? Is he okay?”
“He’s leaving me.”
“Wait, what? Leavingyou?”I’m sure I heard it wrong.
I have frequently entertained the thought that Dezzie might benefit from taking some time apart from Rob, who has continued to devolve from a goofy model husband into an erratic, booze-soaked stranger. It never once occurred to me that he might leaveher.
“He got some woman pregnant, and he’s filing for divorce,” she says raggedly.
I stare at my phone like it’s radioactive.
“What thefuck?Robcheatedon you?”
“Yes! With some woman from his grad program. He said it was just a fling, but now that there’s going to be a baby, he needs to try to make it work. Withher.”
All I can think is: no. No, no, no. This cannot be happening to someone I love.
Not to Dezzie, of all people.
She’s about to start her second round of IVF. She and Rob refinanced their house to pay for it. I suspect her desire for a child is the reason she’s stayed with him this long.
That, and she loves him.
However difficult their marriage has become, there are years and years of love between them.
I want to fly to Chicago and stab him in the neck.
“I’m going to die,” she gasps out.
No, Rob is. Because I am going to murder him.
But I bite that thought back because it isn’t what she needs to hear right now.
“Oh, honey, no you’re not,” I say. “It’s going to be okay. You have me and Alyssa and your parents and all your friends and we love you so,somuch and we will be there with you every step of the way, no matter what happens.”
Even as I say it, I know it might not be enough. It took my mother years to glue herself back together after my dad left her. Twodecadesto trust another man.
When someone you’ve been with for so long turns on you—changes into something unrecognizable—it makes you question your own reality. What did you miss? What did you do? And if it can happen once, what will keep it from happening again?
“I don’t know what to do,” Dezzie says hoarsely. “He’s just gone, Molly. He literally took a duffel bag and left. Just like that.”
I flash back to my dad’s BMW pulling out of the driveway. Of standing in the front yard sobbing, begging him not to leave. Thinking that what was happening could not possibly be real. Praying he would see my desperation and realize his mistake and turn the car around.
He didn’t.
They don’t do that.
They just fucking break your heart and go.
My hands are shaking.
“Dez?” I say, trying to keep my voice calm for my friend. “Listen. I know exactly what to do. First, do you have any herbal tea? Chamomile?”
