“Yes, but… Ru, I’m sorry. I should have told you I was going, but… I had time to think while I was gone, too much time. Some things became clear to me, things about you, about us. I need to speak with you.”
Ru snorted, her fingers clutching the straps of her pack, white-knuckled. “Funny how you had to disappear, to abandon me, in order to find some personal clarity.”
“Ru…”
“What?” she hissed. “Tell me. We’re speaking now. What lovely revelations did you have on your trip? I’ll tell you what revelationsIhad. At first, I was fine. I found my way, found direction. But Hugon pushed me… I pushedmyself, too hard. I reached my limit, and you weren’t there. I needed you. And everything went wrong. I did the one thing I promised never to do again. I spoke to the artifact. And you know what, Fen? If you had stayed, if you hadn’t abandoned me…” her voice cracked on the wordabandoned, and she had to take a moment to compose herself. She wanted him to regret it, wanted him to feel responsible for what he’d done, leaving her alone with Lord D’Luc’s fervent demands. She had been pushed too hard and too far, desperate for something the artifact couldn’t give her.
She pressed a palm to her eye, willing the tears not to fall. She didn’t want Fen to see her vulnerable, not now. She wanted him to hate himself. “If you hadn’t abandoned me, it wouldn’t have happened,” she said through gritted teeth. “If you had stayed, I wouldn’t have done it.”
They stood in strained silence, Ru’s breaths jagged, her eyes stinging. Where were Gwyneth and Archie? She needed to leave, to get away from Fen, even though her heart was screaming at her to close the distance between them. Her hurt was too great to open herself to him again.
“Ru, look at me.”
She shook her head. She could bear to look at the moon shadows on the flagstones, at the fireflies in the distance, but not at Fen.
“I understand if you can never forgive me.” His voice was so quiet she could hardly hear him. “I… if I’d known… Everything I’ve done since I met you, Ru, has been for you. It may seem otherwise, and I know I’ve been a fool, I know I hurt you. But I’m still yours.Yours, you understand? Nothing can change that.”
She took a shaky breath and finally looked up to face him. He wore his old black leathers, and except for a slightly fuller beard and the warmth that came with looking at someone familiar, he looked the same he had as the morning Ru had first met him.
Yet, there was something more to him now, a depth and a sadness that only became apparent as Ru got to know him. He watched her intently, a worry line forming between his dark brows.
Ru thought she would have come to love him if he had only stayed.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done,” she said. “I will always be grateful that you saved my life.”
There was a sound from the Tower, and she and Fen turned to see Archie and Gwyneth inching their way outside.
“Ru!” Gwyneth hissed, hurrying toward her. Then she stopped short, seeing the second figure in the moonlight. “Fen,good lord. Where did you come from?”
“That’s what I’d like to know,” said Archie, following after Gwyneth, his expression tight with mistrust.
Ru turned back to Fen, clenching her jaw. “He was just saying goodbye.”
“Where have you been?” Gwyneth asked, her lip curling as she gave Fen a once-over. “You left Ru exactly when she needed you most. She almostdied.”
A look of agony crossed Fen’s face, so quickly Ru thought she almost imagined it. “I know,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Ru managed to say, pulling her pack securely onto her shoulder, busying her hands with pointless things so they wouldn’t see her shaking. “Let’s go, Arch. Gwyn. Now.”
Without waiting for Fen to reply, she took off through the courtyard, toward the stables. She heard hurried footsteps behind her, Gwyneth and Archie rushing to catch up.
Gwyneth pulled at her sleeve. “Ru, what… why is Fen…” she gasped, but Ru sped onward, ignoring her friend’s questions, until they arrived at the stable.
They would have to saddle their horses and set off without delay. Ru knew Inda wouldn’t go back to bed after seeing her in the courtyard. She would tell the others, and they would come looking for her. If any of the Children went to check on the artifact now, they would know exactly what Ru was doing and where to find her.
“Get your horses,” Ru hissed, “we should be gone already. Inda saw me in the courtyard. With Fen. She left us, but she won’t keep this to herself. I would rather not be here to find out what the Children will do if they catch us.”
Ru made her way into the dark stable and began saddling a taciturn gelding. She had ridden him before, knew he was good-mannered and able to travel for long distances.
Looking around to make sure none of the Children had crept into the stables behind them, she fished the bundled artifact out of her pack and slid it inside her waistcoat. It would be safer there, more secure. She was in the process of shoving it into one of the saddlebags when Fen strode up beside her.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
She jumped. Why wouldn’t he just leave? She didn’t need him now. He had forfeited his right to her.
“Nowhere,” she said, her tone icy.
“It’s the middle of the night. You’ve packed for a journey. You’re clearly sneaking out, trying not to be seen.” He reached for her, and before she could move away or protest, he cupped her face in his hands. His voice was low when he spoke, his fingers cool on her hot, angry face. “What did I say about putting yourself in harm’s way?”
