Page 119 of Scream
"Focus, Sabrina."
"I don't know.Okay?We’ve been through this before. Parker issteady. Stable. He makes me feel safe. Maksim makes me feel all topsy-turvy. Loopy. He can be sweet, then turns around and can be a ripe arsehole. Then he's on his knees worshipping my body. I can'tnotfight with him. We argue a lot, not as much as before, I suppose. I mean, our biggest argument lately is that I really want to move back into the mansion. Idreamabout it. But he wants to stay close to Eden. I don't understand it. I know he has Very Important: Top Secret Things to do there, but I want to be able to thrive more. Between working out, this,” I gesture between Damon and I again “and getting fucked morning, noon, and night, all that's missing is being able to see my best friend more and baking to my heart's content.
“My soul craves it, Doctor. I don't know what it is about the mansion. Maybe it's because it's the first home I had that was not only my own, but it wasn't tied to Charlie.” Damon’s eyebrows rise at the mention of my dead brother, but I put up a hand before he can ask me todive deeper.Pun not intended. “I’m not ready to talk about that. There are no memories of my brother that haunt me at the mansion. Yes, I miss him. I miss him dearly, and it hurts so much sometimes I can’t breathe… but I don't think I could ever live somewhere where I’m constantly reminded of him.” I swallow down the emotion that rises, as flashes of my brother threaten to cause tears.
He was there one morning, laughing and gone by the afternoon. It didn’t make sense. He was an avid swimmer and did all the watersports and the diving and whatnot.
I clear my throat, bringing my gaze back up to his. “Like a proper nepo-baby, I purchased the mansion on a whim as a high school graduation gift to myself. Yes, I know how that sounds. Most people purchase a vehicle. But I wanted somewhere I could breathe, Doctor. Where I could relax and not feel Charlie’s essence hovering around me like a solemn cloud of despair. Freshman year at RMU, Raven helped me decorate the place, and I helped her decorate the lake house. Did you know that?”
He shakes his head, but he does inhale sharply while maintaining eye contact with me. "And Parker? How does he feel about all of this?" Damon asks, tearing me away from thoughts of my brother, before I can get sucked away into the hurricane that comes when I allow myself to grieve Charlie. Guilt eats away at me for not visiting his burialsite. I’ve been to England so many times over the last six months, and I have yet to lay flowers on his grave or give him an update of my life.
I cringe inwardly. I really hope he’s not watching the poundings I've been taking from the great beyond.
"Parker feels with us being at the penthouse, his baby sister Rory can't visit as often. He's very close to his siblings. Rightly so," I finish, and hope he doesn't catch the longing in my voice for my own sibling, but the wanker jots that down.
Observant arse.
"Making another list for me, Doc?"
He hums, still scribbling inside the bloody thing. "It seems you do better when you have an active goal list. While I may write this one down for you, I'll need you to bring me one next week that you've written yourself. Look at everything you've accomplished so far by asking them to take it away," he says without judgment. "And that's exactly what I'm here for, Sabrina. To help you create an action plan to get to where you want to be in this life. I could write you another, stronger prescription, but that isn’t necessary. The work you're doing now has been exceptional. I'm… proud of you."
Proud of me.
I hold in the sob that wants to escape, becausewow. Even my mother, whom I love dearly, has yet to say those words to me. Forget about my father. I think the only day he was actually proud of me was the day I came back from the bistro and told him the agreement between Maksim and I had been signed. Even then, it was more like relief than pride. What does that say about me?
"Thank you," I rasp, sheepishly looking away again.
Damon taps his thumb on the arm of the chair he’s sitting on, the one that matches the sofa I’m on, and clears his throat. “You’ve been doing the work insideandout, and it is reflecting, Sabrina. It takes some peopleyearsto be able to even get to the point where they realize they need to do both in order to maintain a symbiotic relationship between the flesh and the mind. Without sounding too…woo-woo,” he frowns, and I lean forward again. “Working on the flesh and the mind heals what one would call the soul, Sabrina. So yes, I stand by my previous statement. I am proud of you. Both as your doctor, and your friend. You’re making incredible strides, and I can’t wait to see what else you accomplish. Now,” He stands, and I stand with him, a bit confused.
“Our hour isn't done.”
He smiles. “Did you pay the receptionist already?”
“You know I pay your asinine rates at the beginning of the month, plus extra for emergency sessions, such as this one.”
His smile turns into a radiant grin. “Come on then. I was already on my way to one just as you called this morning. You said you know a jeweler in the city?”
I gasp and cover my mouth, nodding excitedly.
“Do you have court today?”
I shake my head, roll my lips inwardly, and let my hands fall to my sides.
“Well, then,” he blinks at me and gives me a pointed stare, “keeping this…between us girls,let's go. Lunch is on me.”
I squeal and jump up and down, as much as I can in my Valentino's. “It's about fucking time.”
He puts out his elbow, and I take it, my hand landing on his bicep. Well done, Raven. “Trust me, Sabrina, I’ve known she was the one for me for a while. Now to make it official.”
When we step out into the late, June morning and spot Parker patiently waiting for us by the Escalade, I’m greeted with a smile that makes every pink part of me miss him. The man does make me feel steady. But lips to vagina, he also creates a Pavlovian response when I’m in his proximity. For the first time, in a very long time, I feel like the girl I was when I first laid eyes on him.
For the first time, in a very long time, I feel just a tad bit, like the old me again.
And for some reason, that both excites and terrifies me.
We’re just ordering lunch with Maverick and Jonas after having spent a few hours at DuMont’s – my family’s friend, and the best jeweler in the city – where they showed up to look at diamonds and all the pretty things that glitter and shine with Damon and I. We chose to have lunch at an upscale cafe in the heart of the city when my phone pings with two different messages.
Anna Mayhew: Are you available to speak privately?
