The extra berries and bread all those times had been from him. It soothed the crinkled memory of being in the cages. I wanted proof that he still cared about me, and maybe this could be enough. “I wanted to die not eat, Fletcher.”
A sadness slackened his rigidity. “I would never have allowed that to happen,” he mumbled as he made circles over the floor to wipe it clean. I heard a quiet growl rumble through his chest. “I’m sorry about this, Ripley, but I have to go. I have to pretend I’m looking for the Elizian who was stolen from the breeding cage. I’ve been gone long enough. They might suspect itwas me.” He set down the bottle and sat on the edge of the bed beside me.
I looked up at him, tears streaming down my cheeks, not ready to be alone.
“Are you going to be okay with Aldris here?”
I shook my head, not because I was answering the question, but because I did not want him to go.
“Aldris, leave,” he ordered loudly.
Aldris’s voice sailed from the first floor. “Aye, aye, captain. I’ll give you guys the place for the week. I’ll be at my mother’s if you need me.”
A minute later, the front door opened and shut.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He kissed my forehead and brought the tray of tea, berries, and food closer. “Please keep eating. You’re safe now. You’re not in the cages anymore.”
Then, he was gone, and it felt like someone had blown a hole in my gut. My body fell to the mattress, unable to hold itself a moment longer. I rolled to my side and stared at the wet spot on the floor where Fletcher had cleaned, whispering, “Don’t leave me.”
I couldn’t fathom being alone—being without Fletcher right now. Could he feel that through this bond he had been talking about? What would happen if I was alone and my mother teleported here?
She doesn’t know where you are. You are safe, Ripley.
Fletcher’s voice filled my head and I sat up in alarm, seeing the wave of stars crawl up my arms. I had sent him that thought, and since he had my magic, he could speak back to me.
My skin glowed again.I don’t want to be alone.
I’ll be back soon.
I sighed, swiping back a sweaty piece of brown hair, and let the tears come. I didn’t know if I should be wanting him to come back.
That clutched something in my heart. God! I was pining over Fletcher. After only just getting out of the cages that he had stuffed me in. What did that mean? That I was weak? Still as gullible as I used to be? Had I learned anything?
Don’t.
I sniffed, not fully understanding what he meant.
Fletcher didn’t say anything else, and neither did I.
I cried well into the night, alone. At some point, I spotted myInvisible Ettabook on the nightstand and clutched it to my chest, feeling like this was a reminder that I was where I belonged.
Hours passed, nearing four in the morning. My crying had turned into a void of emotions. The darkness around me felt fitting. Feeling as empty as a starless night, Fletcher’s arms encircling me began fading like I could only grasp faint echoes of his touch. And it was in that moment, where the last echo petered into nothingness on my skin, that I admitted I didn’t want them to fade. A craving blew a hole into my soul, catching at the base of my throat in the form of a hard lump. His touch was as vital as air. But could I trust my instincts when they had failed me so many times? Missing him was insufferable, and if I didn’t have to continue to suffocate without him…
The way he had ripped Mirin off me, touched my cheek softly, listened to me cry, held me. Those were hardly signs of someone who wanted to use me. Someone who wanted to betray me.
My blood gave him magic. I had seen it myself. If someone elsehadfarmed me… They’d have known I was different from all the other captured Elizians. What would the Cidris have done with my blood? At least with Fletcher on the inside, he had stopped them from buying my blood, keeping that knowledge hidden.
My stomach roiled at the thought of anyone else having my blood. The carnage that could have ensued. Trapped in the cage, I had always dreaded when my body was deemed healed enough for harvest and I was illuminated in white light. I knew by the count of ten, Fletcher would arrive. It had been Fletcher’s only option, hadn’t it? Could I go back to how I used to see him?
Fletcher had simultaneously put me in danger and saved my life.
The feeling of Mirin inside me made my stomach turn. His rough hands on my skin. The tears still burned my eyes. My body felt wrong. The space that I occupied felt too small, like thorns were encroaching on all sides, scarring my skin.
I conjured the feeling of Fletcher’s hands on me in the same places where Mirin’s had been. I imagined them healing the area, erasing the foreign, unwanted touch. I thought of him in all the areas Mirin had been, and it soothed some of that violated ache.
Despite everything that had ensued, my body couldn’t deny that Fletcher’s touch felt familiar—loving. And I realized I’d given into that craving for him enough to pulverize the trauma of what he had done into rubble that I could sweep into the corners ofmy mind, forgiven and tempered… but still not forgotten.
Flashes of us in the showers together from two months ago filled my mind. Of being right here on this bed where his fingers moved expertly in me. It made my core writhe with desire and want. And suddenly, the memory of Mirin was being buried in the back of my mind.
