Page 52 of One Good Reason
After we were back in our seats, Law tipped his head to a fat, bald-headed white man. “You see that guy over there?”
“Who is he?”
“He’s the twins pediatrician.”
“Oh wow,” I mumbled and watched him for a few seconds. During the opening presentation they played a documentary about the twins life on the spectrum. According to what I saw, Joseph and his wife gave birth to two healthy baby girls. It wasn’t until after they had to get vaccinated for kindergarten did they start displaying signs of autism.
The family wholeheartedly believed the vaccines were responsible for it and with no research or evidence back then to prove it, ultimately, they couldn’t do anything about it. I also learned that the reason for their foundation was so they could continue research in hopes of finding a cure. They spoke briefly about the twins doctor and credited him for being over the research and cited him for a few clinical trials that he’d done.
“Do you believe the vaccines caused their autism? I asked him.
“I can’t say whether I believe it or not. My friend believes it, and all that matters is I’m present and donate to the cause.”
Turning to him, I propped my elbow on the table and cradled my head in my hand. “I’m asking because for a few years it’s been talks of parents not vaccinating their kids for the same reason. We don’t know what the drug companies put in these vaccines but that also doesn’t mean I’m not going to get my kids vaccinated.”
“And I’m more so on the side of doing what you feel is best for you. I’m all for personal choice.”
“Would you vaccinate your kids?”
“I don’t have kids to vaccinate,” he chuckled.
“If you did Lawton… Would you want them to get vaccinated?”
“I can’t answer because I don’t have kids, nor do I plan on having any.”
“You don’t want kids?”
“I don’t,” he affirmed.
“Wow.” Swiping my tongue along my teeth, I turned my head away from him.
“Let me guess… You do?”
“Do I desire to have kids? I wouldn’t say it’s on my to-do list. Like, I don’t need them to feel fulfilled but, I mean, that could change in the future. The way you said it was like it’s a hard pass for you.”
“That’s because it is,” he avowed.
“Oh,” I gulped. “If you don’t mind me asking… Why is that?”
“I wanted them at one point. Over the years that desire dissipated. Now, I can’t picture my life with any.”
“Well, only you know.”
My biggest fear with having a child of my own is fucking the child up like my egg donor had done me. Along with being scared that something happens to said kid in my presence or absence, and I’m not able to protect them. It boils down to me not wanting to have a child out of obligation and resent said child.
Do I think Jalitha resents me? Absolutely. I mean, what other reason would she have to hate me. And I know hate is such a strong word but the woman who gave me life hates my guts. It’s evident in every conversation that we have; the way she looks at me, hell, even in the way she disregards me.
I was five years old when I was removed out of her care. At five, my mother chose a man who had no blood relation to her over me. She absolutely hates me. That’s my reasoning for being on the fence with having a kid.
Law saying he doesn’t desire them any longer makes me wonder if that’s the reason his ex-left.
“I’m secure in my decision,” Law crowed.
I was about to get in his business and start asking questions about is ex when we were interrupted.
“Lawton, man, thank you for being here and for providing your yearly contribution.”
“Ah man, you know it’s no issue, Joseph.”
