Page 58 of Playing with Forever
“He’s lying. To you. To himself. That man looked at you like you were sunlight and he’d been buried in the dark for years. And then he threw it away because he’s scared of hurting you?” Her voice lowered, gentle but firm. “He pushed you away because he thinks he’s broken. That he’s protecting you by letting you go. Which, FYI, is the worst kind of romantic bullshit.”
“Then why does it feel like it’s my fault? Like I’m the idiot who fell too fast, wanted too much, and saw forever with a man who can’t give me the same?”
Violet’s fingers laced through mine. “Because you’re human. And you loved him. And maybe he’s too messed up right now to love you the way you deserve, but that doesn’t mean what you felt was wrong. Or that you’re wrong for still loving him.”
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. My throat was too tight and the ache in my chest pulsed too hard to form words. But I squeezed her hand, clinging to the only piece of comfort I had left because deep down, buried beneath all the heartbreak and humiliation, I still wanted Chase Noble. And that terrified me more than anything.
And now here I was, wallowing in a mess that I made myself. It was pathetic, but I couldn’t seem to get myself out of this funk. I felt like a zombie the last week. I went to and from work, transported by Ford or Tate—never Austin, I noticed, salt in the wound—and I laid about at home. Like a lump.
In spite of all Violet’s attempts to cheer me up, I still felt like shit the next morning, but certainly more defiant. I ignored the security firm’s vehicle that was parked across the street for me. I was tired of being chauffeured, and especially by men who all knew that Chase broke up with me. Instead, I got into my own car, flipped off the guy waiting in the vehicle across the street as I pulled out, and I drove myself to work like a goddamn adult.
The car followed me. Of course it did. Ugh. I wished I could be annoyed and tell him to fuck off completely, but I couldn’t afford that. My stalker was still out there and even though there hadn’t been anything since the flowers, I couldn’t quite let my guard down. If Chase still thought I needed protection even with everything that happened between us, I trusted his opinion. I trusted his professional instincts, even though he broke my damn heart.
It had to be Heath, right? Nobody else knew me so well. Nobody else could think of the things this stalker had. And I couldn’t get that grocery store run-in out of my mind…
At work, I was doing the bare minimum to get by. It wasn’t like me, I knew that, but my mind was so bogged down by other things I’d found it hard to concentrate.
“Skipping lunch again?” Brandon asked, stopping by my office after he’d returned from getting himself something to eat.
I should’ve known he’d notice I hadn’t left, or brought my own lunch. “I’m not hungry.”
I knew my eating habits had been terrible. Since the breakup, I didn’t eat lunch or sometimes even breakfast, then got home and ate nothing but junk food. A diet of wine and ice cream was not sustainable. It was terrible. I was pretty sure Violet would be staging an intervention soon.
“Sure you are.” Brandon pulled something out from behind his back and I saw it was a fresh sandwich from the deli across the street. I often grabbed lunch there, and they catered to us pretty often for meetings. “C’mon, you need to at least try and eat something.”
I accepted the sandwich. It was very sweet of him and he got my order right. “Thank you.”
He sat down in the chair in front of my desk. “What’s got you so down? This really isn’t like you.”
I didn’t like discussing my personal life, especially not with the guy who I knew was jealous of Chase, but I couldn’t help it. I needed to tell someone who wasn’t my sister. “Chase and I broke up.”
Actually, there was nothing tobreak upsince we weren’t together, but I wasn’t about to explain all of that to Brandon.
“Oh.”
I shrugged, unwrapping the sandwich, sinking a little more into my pity party. “I should’ve known it wasn’t meant to be. I guess sometimes you just delude yourself, you know?”
Brandon nodded. “Well… now you can find the right guy for you. One who’ll treat you the way you deserve. One that doesn’t take you for granted.”
I sighed. “Yeah. I suppose you’re right.”
Brandon smiled, like he thought he’d said something profound. Maybe he had. But the truth was, the only guy I wanted was Chase.
Even now, with everything fractured between us, I still caught myself checking my phone for a message that wasn’t there. Listening for the sound of his voice. Waking up expecting the heat of his body next to mine, only to be greeted by an empty bed and even emptier ache in my chest.
I took a bite of my sandwich to keep from saying any of that out loud.
“Anyway,” Brandon said after a moment, stretching back in his chair like he planned to settle in. “Maybe we could hang out sometime. You know, get your mind off things.”
I paused mid-chew, forcing a neutral smile, because that was the very last thing I wanted. “I think I need a little time on my own.”
“Oh. Of course,” he said quickly, but the flicker of disappointment in his eyes didn’t go unnoticed.
“Thanks for the sandwich, though,” I said quietly, wanting to be polite.
“Anytime.” Brandon stood, giving me one last smile before heading for the door.
Once he was gone, I leaned back in my chair, staring at the ceiling like the answers might be written there. Clearly, I’d made a mistake with Chase. Gotten too close. Let myself believe in something I should have kept locked up tight. But I couldn’t stop hoping,aching, for the man who’d made me feel more alive than anyone else ever had.
