Page 55 of Playing with Forever
I wasn’t naïve. I knew Chase had seen and done things in the military that he didn’t talk about. I knew he carried ghosts. But seeing him in despair, hearing the way his voice cracked with panic, and then watching him build a wall between us so fast I couldn’t keep up…it gutted me.
I wasn’t trying to fix him. I just wanted to hold him. To be there in a way he’d already been for me so many times. But he clearly didn’t want that from me. Not even for a second.
I curled up into a ball on my side, my heart aching, wondering how I could miss someone who was still just down the hall.
* * *
I struggledto go back to sleep. I was shaken up, I couldn’t deny it, but my mind also couldn’t stop racing, thinking about Chase. Several times I almost got up and went into the guest bedroom to crawl in with him and hold him, his stubborn distance be damned, but I always stopped myself.
The middle of the night wasn’t the right time for an argument, and that’s what this could very well turn into. I’d leave it for morning.
I slept fitfully when sleep finally came, and was in desperate need of coffee when I dragged myself out of bed. Chase was already up and dressed for work when I entered the kitchen and living area.
“Hey,” I said softly. “How’re you feeling?”
“Fine.” Chase’s tone was clipped, inviting no further conversation. He finished his coffee and washed his cup. “I’m ready to go when you are.”
I exhaled a deep, shaky breath, feeling extremely off-kilter.
Since I’d moved in, Chase had started making breakfast in the mornings when he woke up before me, although we often swapped back and forth depending on who got to the kitchen first, and he always made me coffee. I poured myself a cup, but didn’t make myself anything to eat. I wasn’t hungry. My stomach was in knots.
This man felt like a stranger to me, someone I didn’t recognize. The Chase I knew had inspired fire in me, and while he’d always driven me insane when we’d met the first few times over the years, before we started… whatever this was… he had never beencold.If he’d been like this with me, I never would’ve wanted him.
I felt so confused and unsure, having no clue how to navigate this emotional landmine with him.
I finished getting ready for work and Chase was silent as he drove me to the office. He didn’t talk to me or touch me. Not holding my hand, not a reassuring brush of his fingers along the back of my neck, not even the absentminded, possessive way he used to rest his palm on my thigh like I was his to protect—his to keep.
It was only then, sitting in that awkward quiet, that I realized just how often he’d touched me before. How casual and natural it had become, like he needed that contact because it grounded him somehow. And I hadn’t realized how much I’d started to rely on it, too.
Where had that man gone? Now, his hands were locked on the steering wheel like he was holding on for dear life. And when we arrived at my office, he dropped me off without kissing me goodbye as had become our routine.
Stupidly, I felt like crying.
I was distracted all day. I knew that people could tell something was up. A lot of my coworkers were a bit hungover after last night’s party but it was pretty clear that wasn’t the issue with me. I felt like a bug under a microscope and could only hope I wasn’t becoming the center of office gossip.
Still, I tried texting Chase a few times, but I never got a reply. I tried to keep things casual. Just the usualwhat’s for lunch? How are things at work?I even tried to get him riled up by asking if he was looking after Naomi today.
Nothing. So, I texted Austin, who told me that Chase had gone home early today. Definitely not normal for him.
“Everything all right?”
I jolted in surprise and nearly dropped my phone at the unexpected sound of Brandon’s voice. I looked up, wondering how he’d walked into my office without me hearing or noticing. “Sorry. Yeah. Just stressed.”
Brandon gave me a concerned look. “I’ve seen you stressed. This is different.”
I sighed and glanced at the clock, knowing I was useless today at work. Especially now knowing that Chase was at home, alone.
I glanced back at Brandon. “Look, if I—if I left early, would you cover for me?”
“Of course.” Brandon sounded surprised that I even had to ask. “I’d do anything for you.”
I was already standing up and gathering my things. “Thanks so much. I owe you one.”
I was going to figure out what was going on with Chase and make him talk about it, one way or another. I’d never backed down from a fight when it came to this man. Why the hell was I letting him rattle me now?
Although, I was going to make him pay me back for the rideshare I had to order. He could just punish me for the bratty attitude later.
When I arrived at his building, I squared my shoulders and went up to his place. The door was locked, typical Chase, but he’d given me a key so I just let myself in.
