Page 42 of Playing with Forever
I shook my head. “I’m—it’s—” I gestured uselessly at the inedible casserole in the trash.
Chase frowned. “The food?” He sounded completely confused.
“I’m sorry.” I wiped at my cheeks as tears fell and tried to explain. “I know it’s probably ridiculous to you, but we never had enough money growing up. Madison had to work her ass off for us to afford groceries and the idea of wasting food, because I was so careless, is just—”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Chase tugged me against his chest and held me tight.
I sank against him and felt how solid he was. His warm, strong arms around me was grounding, like a weighted blanket.
His hand gently stroked over my hair. “You don’t need to apologize.”
I gave a harsh, wobbly laugh and pulled back just enough to look up at his face. “You’ve been in literal war and I’m traumatized over a burnt casserole.”
There was a pause and I saw a flicker of understanding in his eyes before he said, “I get it. Trauma comes in all forms. You never knew where your next meal was coming from. You couldn’t afford to waste food. Madison’s…what, five years older? So you were just a kid. That’s traumatizing, Andrea. You don’t need to apologize for things in your past that affect you even now.”
I stepped back, wiping my eyes, but Chase guided me to sit down on the couch in the living area, then went to the kitchen to get me a glass of water while I tried to breathe through my upsetting emotions and calm down, knowing I wouldn’t have reacted like this if I was at home with Violet. It was just—I didn’t know if Chase would laugh it off or be upset and that apparently sparked the rest of my spiral.
Chase sat down next to me and handed me the water, and I took a few sips.
“Tell me more about your father,” he said, surprising me.
I blinked at him since that was the last thing I expected him to say, or even talk about. “You really want to know?”
His dark eyes held mine. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”
His expression was earnest, telling me he wasn’t inquiring just out of obligation. His interest was genuine.
I set the glass on the coffee table in front of me and gathered my thoughts. “Dad wasn’t the best husband,” I said, giving Chase a sad smile, because I knew what great parents he had and I envied him that. “Madison remembers more about it than I do, before Mom died, I mean. Obviously Violet happened, so dad was far from perfect. But after Mom died it was like… I don’t know. When I was a kid I told myself it was grief, that’s why he went off the rails, with all the gambling and drinking and debt. But now I think it was Mom who kept him on the straight and narrow. Made sure his paychecks went towards our bills instead of something else.”
I swallowed hard, and continued. “After she passed, Dad started drinking heavily and gambling constantly. We were always in debt. We didn’t usually know where our next meal would come from. I was always scared we’d lose our home. The moment Madison turned eighteen, she fought for custody of me. I—I didn’t understand, at the time, how hard that must’ve been for her to fight in the legal system like that. We were so lucky we had a compassionate lawyer and Madison was granted guardianship of me. From then on money was steady because she worked several jobs to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads, but it was still tight.”
“And you couldn’t afford to waste any of it,” Chase said slowly.
I nodded and my heart gave a little jolt in my chest when Chase took my hand in his, holding it so affectionately. “But dad wasn’t done with us. He opened credit cards and lines of credit in both of our names and plunged us both into serious debt, something we didn’t discover until he’d died and we started getting notified by collection agencies. It was awful, knowing we had this huge debt hanging over us that wasn’t even ours, and no way to pay it off.”
Chase looked furious. “I can see why something like that would be triggering.”
“We got lucky though…actually,Madisongot lucky when she met Rick,” I said, feeling my cheeks warm a bit as I remembered the unconventional way my sister had opted to make extra money. “She, umm, turned to escorting to pay those bills. Rick was the first man she met, and he offered her an insane amount of money to, well…be his date for a week. It was enough for us to pay off the debt.”
A crooked smile tipped up the corners of Chase’s mouth, reflecting amusement at the way I’d delicately described my sister’s situation. “And look at how well that turned out.”
“Ricks a great guy, and perfect for my sister,” I said, happy that Madison had someone who absolutely adored her. “He honestly changed our lives for the better, but how I grew up, what our father did to us…”
Chase gently squeezed my hand. “Andrea, listen to me. I can’t undo the years of pain that you went through. Though God knows I fuckin’ wish I could. But I promise you, you are never going to go without anything you need ever again. Food, money, a place to live, whatever it is, I’ll always take care of you. You will never, ever, have to go without. I swear it.”
My mouth fell open in shock.
Chase flushed slightly, as if he belatedly realized how overly protective his words sounded. He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. You’re an independent adult. I just want you to know that you’re not alone and you can turn to me if you ever need anything at all.”
Chase sounded so earnest and sincere, like the idea of me being hurt caused him pain too. And I knew he’d take care of me, especially right now, with an unknown threat hanging over me. He had the smarts and skills to protect me, and the money and stability to provide for me until he caught whoever was stalking me. But I wouldn’t ever have thought he’d openly offer me something like that. Because really, at the end of the day we were just fuckbuddies.
Butthisdidn’t feel like I was just his side piece.Thisfelt like so much more.
Chase gently brushed his hand against my cheek for a moment before standing up, diffusing that intimate moment between us. “I’ll order us some pizza. We can just have a quiet night in, put on a movie, forget about the day. How’s that sound?”
“Sounds great.” I smiled at him, foolishly wishing he meant all of those previous words the way I wanted him to—not as a protector or provider, not just some temporary shelter from the storm—but as a man whosaw me, chose me, and might actually stay when it was over.
But Chase Noble didn’t do forever. Whatever this was between us—hot and tangled and addictive—it wasn’t supposed to come with promises or tenderness.
