Page 29 of Playing with Forever
Andrea
Ifollowed Violet through the grocery store with my cart while she tossed the items we needed inside. My body was still pleasantly sore from yesterday’s activities, pink streaks still lightly scoring my body beneath my clothes like a badge of honor. The scene, although intense, had been one of the hottest things I’d ever done with a man—and exactly the kind of dominance I’d craved.
The act, meant to punish and establish who was in charge, had also been so incredibly intimate because it had beenwith Chase. He hadn’t just been dominant. He’d been…raw. Vulnerable with me, even.
I’d loved every moment, but I didn’t know what to make of Chase’s state of mind while he’d wielded the flogger. It wasn’t like he’d been out of control. It was more like he was soincontrol—until he’d finally allowed himself to let go while he’d fucked me. He’d taken me hard, almost brutally, trembling like something inside of him had cracked open—I’d been so attuned to him that I’d felt it. By giving him complete dominance over me, I’d unknowingly opened a door for him to feel something deep, messy, and real…whatever that was for him.
I’m sure I wasn’t privy to everything in Chase’s past. But there was one thing I did know…last night wasn’t just sex. It wasn’t even just kink. No, it had been a therapeutic release for him. He’d needed that moment. Not just physically, but emotionally. Desperately.
I thought I’d been the one surrendering, but maybe he’d been the one to finally let go…
“Hey.” Violet playfully snapped her fingers in front of my face, startling me out of my thoughts. “Earth to Andrea.”
I shook my head and refocused. “Sorry. What’s up?”
“Did we like the chicken or the pork pot stickers? I can’t remember.”
“Chicken,” I said absently.
“What’s on your mind?” Violet asked as she grabbed the right bag from the freezer section. “You looked like you were a million miles away.”
“Nothing. I just…I don’t know,” I hedged, then confessed where my mind had been. “Just thinking about Chase and last night.” I’d told Violet about the intense scene at the club, along with everything else that had happened leading up to Chase flogging me. Me being stubborn and mouthy and him proving who had the upper hand.
What I hadn’t divulged was just how much I’d wanted to truly belong to Chase in those moments when I’d given myself over to him. Now that I had distance and perspective, I was a little worried that my response to him wasn’t all based on being high on subspace during the scene, but that my feelings for him were changing and evolving in a way that went beyond this arrangement we’d established.
“You’re good, right?” Violet’s eyes glimmered with concern. “I mean, Chase seems like a great guy.”
“He is a great guy,” I said, but despite the intimacy of our time together last night, Chase made it clear where he stood. That he wasn’t a forever kind of guy, and, well … I knew deep down that Iwasa forever kind of girl. That eventually I’d want to get married, have a family of my own. “He’s teaching me all the things I want to know about my kinks and fantasies and BDSM, but I don’t want to be that girl who falls for the unattainable guy who’s made it clear he’s not in the market for a serious relationship. You know how that always goes. Awkward.”
To my surprise, Violet laughed. “Right, because the man who apparently only cares about the sexual part of your arrangement texts you constantly, and goes overboard with the safety checks because you had one weird moment of paranoia,” she said, describing Chase’s behavior.
I frowned, because I was trying not to read too much into those things. “Still, I don’t want to set myself up for—"
We roundedthe corner of the aisle and not paying attention to where I was going, I nearly ran my cart into someone. “Oh my God I’m so sorry!”
The person came to an abrupt stop in front of our cart, and I realized with a twist in my stomach that it was Heath. My ex.
“Andrea?” Heath blurted out. “Wow, hi.”
“Hey.” Staring at him now, I wondered what I’d truly ever seen in him. He was good looking enough, but when I compared him to Chase, I realized that he wasn’t—hadn’t ever been—enough of my type and I’d just been settling. “What are you doing here?”
Yes, everyone went grocery shopping, but Heath lived in Henderson, one city over from Vegas. This store wasn’t at all near his neighborhood.
“Having a lucky day, apparently, running into you,” he said, not really giving me the explanation I wanted to hear. “How’ve you been? You look great.”
“Oh, thank you,” I said, trying to be polite when this unexpected encounter had me a little off kilter. “I’m doing all right. How are you?”
“I’m hanging in there,” he said with a smile, ignoring Violet completely, whom he’d met a few times and who was openly eyeing him suspiciously. “I was actually just thinking about you—about us—the other day, and—”
I glanced down at my phone like I’d just received a text. There was no way I was going to have a conversation with Heath about potentially getting back together, or anything else for that matter after the way he’d treated me. “Shit, we’re really running late,” I said, cutting him off. “Violet and I need to get going. I’m sorry.”
He frowned at the way I’d quickly dismissed him. “Well, call me sometime. I’d love to catch up.”
Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen. “It was nice seeing you,” I lied instead. “Take care of yourself.”
Violet grabbed the end of my cart and tugged it along. “See ya,” she threw over her shoulder at Heath, her tone dripping with sarcasm.
“Don’t be antagonistic,” I chastised her once we were out of earshot.
