Page 17 of Playing with Forever
I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. “No, not really. I tried to introduce toys into my last relationship so we could explore different aspects of BDSM, but my boyfriend freaked out about it.” I exhaled a deep breath and met Chase’s gaze. “He told me that perverted sex was for sluts and whores.”
Chase’s jaw clenched, and the intense flash of anger I saw in his eyes startled me. “Clearly, an asshole.”
I shrugged, trying to downplay Heath’s reaction. “It just wasn’t his thing.”
“He didn’t have to shame you for your preferences,” he said, his voice a low, soft growl, clearly pissed on my behalf. “I’m glad you have a clean slate, instead of doing something with him that would have been more damaging.”
“How so?” I asked, and ate a bite of chicken.
Chase huffed out a breath. “Sometimes, when people who are in a relationship decide to try out kinks, they don’t do things properly, so they aren’t prepared for an actual Dom/sub relationship, and they have to unlearn things.”
Curiosity filled me. “Like what?”
“Like doing bondage or impact play properly and safely so no one gets hurt. Or thinking that a safeword can only be used when something gets out of control. Sometimes you need to say ‘yellow’ for example, to take a breather. Or they do things like fire play or wax play without taking classes or being certified, which leads to people being burned or permanently scarred.”
I shuddered at the thought as I took a sip of wine. While a part of me was drawn to wax play, which seemed like a more muted way of experiencing an intense level of heat on your bare skin, fire play wasn’t something that appealed to me at all.
“So, you really have no hands-on experience, other than our night together?” Chase confirmed.
I shook my head and wiped my napkin across my mouth. “No…I—I’ve wanted to do this for a really long time. I’m not making that up and I’m not being impulsive.”
“I never said you were,” Chase replied.
I scoffed before I could stop myself. “You pretty much told me on Friday night that I didn’t know what I wanted and I was in over my head.”
He visibly winced. “Okay, yes, I thought you were maybe pushing yourself to extremes and didn’t know everything that BDSM entails. And going to a sex club for your first time like that, without any prior experience, is pretty fucking ballsy.” Chase grinned for a moment, then grew serious once more. “But honestly, you impressed me. If we’re going to do this, I want to know exactly what you need, Andrea. I can’t give it to you if I don’t know what you like or prefer.”
I exhaled and set my fork on my plate, appreciating him wanting that honesty and insight, but voicing them wasn’t going to be easy. Chase had already done things to me that Heath never would have dared, but there was still that part of me that remembered how Heath would react every time I told him what was on my mind. How he’d recoil and put me down for wanting something outside the norm.
But ultimately I trusted Chase and knew that he’d respect me and my desires, and that’s what gave me the courage to share my fantasies with him.
“I really like you tying me up so I’m restrained and you have all the control and power,” I admitted, shivering internally when I saw the heat in his eyes at that confession. “And the… sensory deprivation, is what it’s called, right? Blindfolding. Maybe even putting noise-cancelling headphones on at some point, or using a gag. I liked the riding crop. I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would, but I’m into spanking and I think…I’ve thought about flogging.”
He sat there patiently, listening attentively as I opened up and spilled my deepest desires, which actually felt liberating.
“When I pictured a scenario in my mind, I’m tied up and helpless and my partner can fuck me however he liked. Be as rough and aggressive as he wanted, even if I told him to stop, but not using the safeword.”
“That’s consensual non-consent,” he said, giving the act a name.
I nodded. “Yeah, that,” I said, hearing the husky timbre of my own voice. Just talking about everything was turning me on, making my body feel sensitive—my breasts, between my thighs. “I’d never had clamps on my nipples, and it definitely hurt, and so did the crop…but I liked the pain. It made everything more acute, but eventually, that pain receded and my body registered it all as pleasure, as weird as that might be.”
A knowing look passed across Chase’s features as he leaned back in his chair, his fingers idly spinning the stem of his wineglass on the table. “Not weird at all. Pain can transition into pleasure due to the release of endorphins, which block pain and induce feelings of euphoria. It’s like an intoxicating hit of dopamine,” he explained, clearly having done his research on the matter. “A lot of people get off on pain, including me. Why do you think I got those piercings?”
“I’ve heard it makes everything feel even better.”
“It does,” he agreed. “My dick is extra sensitive when it’s erect. But the process of getting the piercings, and the pain involved, was hot and arousing for me, too. Not that I could do a lot about it at the time since there is a recovery period after getting your dick pierced.” He chuckled.
I bit my bottom lip, thinking about everything he’d just said. How he wanted me to be open and honest about my desires. “Sometime, I…I’d like to see how you handle pain like that.”
His eyes darkened and gleamed at the possibility. “I’d be more than willing to show you...sometime. Since we’ve agreed to do this, whatever it is you’d like to explore, I’d be happy to guide you. Nothing is off-limits, so long as it’s something you enjoy.”
I appreciated the way Chase talked about all of this, so calm and natural. It helped remind me that this could be normal.
“So, let’s talk about limits,” Chase said, tipping his head a bit curiously. “You’re into bondage, you like the idea of some impact play, and you seem to enjoy a bit of pain. Is there anything that you know for sure you’re not into?”
I immediately felt overwhelmed when I thought about all that was out there, my mind racing. “I don’t know. There’s so much.”
Chase’s expression softened in understanding. “How about this. Let’s stick with the stuff you know you enjoy, and we’ll introduce new things here and there and see how you feel.”
