Page 48 of Throne of Ice and Blood
“To finally take down the Red Hand?” I let out a mocking scoff. “Did he really bruise your ego that much when he beat you last time?”
“It’s not about my ego.”
“Really? Then why are you taking it out on the civilian population like some kind of bully who got his own pants pulled down?”
“Because I don’t care who gets hurt, as long as it serves my goals. This world is cruel and unfair. And if you’re too kind and too trusting and too empathetic, people will only take advantage of you.”
His words hit me like a knife to the gut. Because deep down, deep in the hidden corners of my soul that I try to hide from everyone, I know that he is right. All my life, I have done everything I can to please the people around me. And all anyone has ever done is to use me because of it. I have drained myself, sacrificed everything that I wanted, to make everyone else happy and to help them achieve their goals. But it didn’t make the world better. It just madememiserable.
Draven takes one hand off the wall and brushes gentle fingers over my cheek, pushing a stray lock of hair away from it and hooking it behind my ear instead. The soft touch sends a ripple down my spine.
“So I don’t wring my hands about collateral damage,” he says as he holds my gaze with those intense eyes of his. “I take what I want from this world. And God help anyone who stands in my way.”
My heart pounds in my chest. I know that I should be outraged. That I should berate him for his lack of morals and his complete disregard for other people. But deep inside those hidden corners of my soul, I find myself desperately craving that kind of ruthless conviction for myself. I have spent my life living for other people. What would it be like to only live for myself? To do only what I want? To take what I want from this world and to hell with everyone else?
However, I can never voice those dark and forbidden thoughts out loud. And the fact that I even have them makes me panic. Makes me feel horrified and angry with myself. So instead of admitting that I might actually understand the desperate desire that Draven has just explained, I decide to hit back.
“You don’t care about anyone else, huh?” I challenge.
He flashes me a sharp smile. “No.”
“Then why did you try to saveme?”
That ruthless expression on his face falters for just one single second. But since I was watching him so closely, I saw it. And he knows that I saw it. A muscle flickers in his jaw.
Holding his gaze, I stare up at him. Waiting for him to finally explain why he cares about my safety. Daring him to tell me.
But just like before, he gives me no answer.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
We have barely made it three steps inside the massive ice doors of the palace before a female dragon shifter with stunning green eyes hurries up to us. Or rather, to Draven. He just keeps walking, making her awkwardly run along next to him as we make our way up the stairs and towards his rooms.
“Commander,” she says, looking apologetic. “Empress Jessina and Emperor Bane have noticed your absence at the last few banquets.”
“Their observation has been noted,” Draven simply replies.
She clears her throat self-consciously. “They are requesting your presence at the banquet tonight.”
“I’m busy. Hunting down the Red Hand.” He cuts her a look. “As per their own orders.”
The messenger squirms underneath his hard gaze and trips on the final step, but still manages to press out, “I’m afraid they’re insisting.”
Draven lets out an annoyed sigh. “Fine. Consider your message delivered.”
I glance at the woman, who still continues hurrying along next to Draven. Worry pulses across her whole face.
“So you will be there?” she asks.
I can practically hear the pleading in her voice. If Draven doesn’t show up, the Icehearts will probably punishherfor it.
Draven clenches his jaw and then lets out another sigh. But this one sounds more resigned than angry. “We’ll be there.”
My heart skips a beat. We.Wewill be there. Which means that I’m going as well.
“Thank you,” the messenger whispers softly, and then bows her head to Draven before she disappears back the way we came.
Anticipation and anxiety fight like wolves inside my chest as Draven and I continue towards his rooms. This might be the perfect opportunity for me to do some sneak interrogations and find out where the treasury room is. But it will also mean that I need to put on an act in front of the Icehearts and pretend like I have accepted that Draven is my master. And I am not looking forward to that.
