Page 117 of Throne of Ice and Blood
My heart twists painfully.
Draven flicks his gaze up and down my body in this stunning black dress. Then he seems to remember that his mouth is still open. Snapping his mouth shut, he returns his gaze to my face and starts towards me. But that fire in his eyes remains.
“You do that,” Draven at last replies as he comes to a halt in front of me.
A shudder of pleasure rolls down my spine as he slides his hand along my jaw, cupping my cheek, and then draws his thumb over my bottom lip. His eyes glint in the faelights as a wicked smile full of forbidden promises curls his lips.
“But anyone who flirts back will lose his hands. Or his tongue.” His villainous smirk widens. “Or both.”
A soft laugh escapes my lips.
It’s followed by a wave of sorrow that threatens to crush me.
Because this is it.
This is our last goodbye.
After we leave this room, we will be out in public. Which means that I have a role to play and Draven has duties to attend. And then I will escape. Disappear like a thief in the night without so much as a word.
My heart aches.
Despite Draven’s adamant refusal to leave or do anything to fight the Icehearts, he has still helped me in every way he could. He has saved my life more than once. He has protected me from torture and humiliation. He has made my life here in the Ice Palace bearable.
And deep inside that broken heart of mine, I know that he doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve to be left behind to take the blame for our crimes. He doesn’t deserve to be betrayed like this. Especially not by me.
But I don’t know what else to do. I can’t stay here as a slave all my life just so that the Icehearts won’t punish Draven. I need to do this. Not just for me, but for Isera and Lavendera and Alistair too. And for everyone in the Seelie Court.
So no matter how much I hate the reality we live in, I can’t change the fact that itisour reality.
I need to do this.
Draven, oblivious to the internal battle I just fought, gives me a satisfied smile and then lets his hand drop from my cheek. He takes a step back, not knowing that this is the last time we will ever be this close. The last time we will ever speak this casually to each other. The last chance we have to say goodbye.
A bolt of panic spears through my chest, and my hand shoots out to grab his wrist before he can leave.
He turns back to me and raises his eyebrows in surprise.
“It wasn’t an act,” I say. My heart is pounding so loudly that I can barely hear my own voice. But I need to say this. I need him to know this. “Back in that underground forest. I didn’t have sex with you as a distraction to steal the ring. It was the exact opposite.”
Shock and confusion and a heartbreaking flicker of hope pulse in his eyes.
“I had stolen the ring before you had even gotten into the water,” I continue, the words tumbling out of my mouth. “And I was supposed to slip away and escape while you were busy washing off in the river. Fucking you was never part of the plan. It was the opposite. It was an incredibly dangerous and reckless choice that only increased the risk of you realizing that I had stolen the ring. But I did it anyway. Because I wanted to.” I hold his gaze with serious eyes, to make sure that he understands that I truly mean every word. “I did it solely because I wanted to. Because I wantedyou.”
He draws in a short unsteady breath.
I release his wrist and quickly take a step back, putting a little distance between our bodies. Because if I stand too close to him right now, I will never be able to leave.
Clearing my throat, I glance away as I finish with, “I just wanted you to know that.”
I still don’t know how much of what I feel for Draven is real and how much is just forced on me by the mate bond. But Goddess above, I know one thing.
Betraying him tonight is going to shatter what’s left of my heart.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
The clash between the beautiful ballroom and the actual atmosphere inside it is so jarring that I still haven’t fully adjusted to it, despite having spent two hours in here. It’s one of the grandest rooms I have ever seen. Imposing columns of ice stretch up towards the impossibly high vaulted ceiling, which is covered entirely in faelight gems. If I tilt my head back, it’s like gazing up into a pool of liquid starlight. Decorations in silver and ice are on display, and there is an entire band of musicians waiting at the edge of the massive dance floor.
At a grand ball like this, I would expect to see people dancing and laughing and enjoying themselves. But instead, everyone is standing silent and tense on the shining ice floor. Anger and resignation and dread and resentment and a whole storm of emotions hang over the room like a death shroud while everyone drinks nervously from crystal goblets in order to pass the time.
