Page 105 of Throne of Ice and Blood
“It’s just so fucking ironic,” he says. “I won the Atonement Trials to escape this exact sort of thing.”
I frown at him. “What do you mean?”
Resentment washes over his features for a second. Then he scoffs again before glancing between me and Isera. “Do you have any idea what it was like to grow up in our city with fire magic?”
I blink at him in surprise. I had always assumed that it was a great advantage. It’s a strong and dangerous physical element. Especially compared to my emotion magic.
Alistair lets out a harsh laugh, as if he could read all of that on my face. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“Just cut to the fucking chase,” Isera snaps. “What are you trying to say?”
“Don’t you get it?” He cuts a hard look at both of us. “Fire istheirelement. As soon as my friends, my family, my neighbors, every fucking fae in our court, found out that I had fire magic, they shunned me. After all, if I was born with the incredibly rare fire magic, it must mean that I secretly agree with the dragon shifters. Right?” He scoffs and shakes his head. “Or that I’m one of them.”
My heart patters in my chest as I stare at him.
“And how do you think the shifters from the Red Dragon Clan reacted when they found out that I could wield their element?” Alistair continues. “And for them, it’s not just their normal dragon fire. Their clan magic is lava magic, for fuck’ssake. It’s like having fire magic twice.” That searing rage bleeds into both his voice and his eyes. “So how do you think they reacted when they realized that a filthy fae could wield their sacred fire?” A cold humorless laugh rips from his chest. “They’ve been beating me up all my life. Always cornering me when there is an entire squad of them so that I won’t have any chance of winning. Beating me, humiliating me, trying to make me apologize for polluting their sacred element.”
Isera, who has just listened with that impassive mask on her face up until now, draws back a little while something almost like recognition or understanding flashes across her face. But she buries it quickly underneath that cold expression again.
My gaze flits down to the burn scars across Alistair’s chest and stomach, and pain spears through my heart. I meet his rage-filled eyes again. “Are they the ones who burned you?”
“This?” He motions down at the vicious burn scars across his skin, and a harsh laugh once again rips from his lungs. “No.” That fury in his eyes burns hotter as he leans forward a little. “This is the work of our own people.”
Horror washes through my veins. “What?”
“They were so desperate to prove to the dragon shifters that they were good people. That they were nothing like their wicked ancestors. That they were good little fae. That they were virtuous and self-sacrificing and that they prioritized the dragon shifters above themselves, above all fae, now.”
My heart pounds against my ribs.
“And they did it by sacrificing their own people in the name of goodness.” Disgust laces Alistair’s tone as he practically spits out that final word. “So they would hold me down and burn me with torches in front of the dragon shifters to show them what good people they were. To show them that they were on the dragon shifters’ side. That they would happily punish me tosatisfy the dragon shifters.” He scoffs. “Punish me for simply the crime of being born with fire magic.”
Bile crawls up my throat. I feel like I’m going to throw up.
I have always seen our people as just… good. Even though they treated me like the plague for something that I had no control over, I have never thought of them as evil. The dragon shifters were the evil ones. They were the ones who were being cruel. And we, our entire court, were the good ones.
But apparently, the world is a lot more complicated than that.Peopleare a lot more complicated than that.
Even when we are all facing the same outside cruelty, there are some who are willing to sell out their friends and neighbors just so that the people who hate us all will approve of them. Something between bitterness and amusement pulses through me. Maybe I’m not the only person in our court who has grown up with a desperate need to be liked.
“If you point them out, I could always just shove an ice shard through their throats,” Isera says.
The casual offer yanks me out of my bleak thoughts and pulls me back to the present.
Alistair lets out a surprised laugh as the two of us turn towards Isera. And based on the expression on her face, she was actually serious about that offer.
Some of the anger and tension bleeds out of Alistair’s body, and he lets out another small chuckle while giving Isera a nod. “I might actually take you up on that someday, ice lady.”
She just tips her head to the side in a half nod, acknowledging it.
An exhausted burst of laughter escapes my own throat. Adjusting my position, I scoot back so that I’m leaning my back against the cage opposite Alistair’s and then draw my knees up. While resting my elbows on my knees, I rake my fingers through my hair.
Everything inside me is just full of conflicting emotions.
After the visit to the mountainside, and the dragon battle I witnessed there, I’m no longer confident that we will actually be able to win a war against the dragon shifters on our own. And I feel guilty for helping the humans plot their heist and for bringing Frostfell to the brink of open rebellion, because now I know what the Icehearts will do to Draven if he fails. I’m still in shock over all the lies that I have been taught my whole life. I’m desperate to get Isera, Alistair, and Lavendera out of here. I feel guilty for using my magic to manipulate Kath and the other humans to trust me. And it breaks my heart that every shifter in this city hates me even though they don’t know me.
“How do you deal with it?”
It takes me a second to realize that the words came out of my own mouth.
