Page 84 of Generation Omega: Claimed
Kazimir is practically trembling with frustration, and my death winks at me and waves coquettishly. The amount of effort he’s expending in working with me, rather than watching me swallow my own tongue for his amusement… I must not forget or ignore Kazimir Volkov’s biography, especially as he controls my ability to remember my own. He’s now staring at the floor, providing just a glimpse of how exhausted he is. Has he slept since he acceptedcustodyof me?
Kazimir’s eyes lock with mine, and he delivers a baleful expression. “Don’t do that. Just worry about yourself. Now, Thatcher,stay, and be better. You have a chance to build something or wreck something.Build.” He throws up his hands and waves them. “That’s all I’ve got, except don’t be a fucking douche to her, or everything gets harder for all of us. Deadweight gets erased. If that’s a struggle to remember, I’ll put it on a fucking t-shirt.”
Kazimir leaps to his feet and exits in a huffy whirlwind. The door is only closed for a few seconds before the handle turns, and Tillie peeks inside at the room and then me. She enters, shutting the door behind her. As she stares at me, I’m struck by her transformation that’s still only beginning. She’s so lovely… so perfect. Or she would be if grief didn’t so obviously show in her bloodshot eyes. What’s happened to cause her distress?
That question is answered in the words she and I speak together. “I’m sorry.”
I flinch at her statement and its deeply held meaning. “What are you sorry for? I’m the one who abandoned you.”
Tillie appears small and uncomfortable, gripping her own hands, deliberately avoiding glancing at the angry mark on my neck. “I didn’t trust you,” she says softly. “I didn’t listen. You weren’t wrong about the importance of my bonds. Maybe if I’d worked harder to find common ground with you, you wouldn’t be suffering like this.”
“No, Tillie—this is entirely on me, and it began long before I ever met you… before I even met the omegaverse. I don’t want to make excuses, because no excuses can ever forgive what I did to you from the moment I knew of your existence.” My agonizing gulp as I attempt to swallow causes her to wince. “Every step I took was wrong. I rebelled against being called as an alpha. I delayed reaching you. I let my unchecked desire awaken an entitlement that was completely unwarranted.”
Against her will, her gaze lands on the mark of my punishment, as compassion shines in her eyes.
“I failed you,” I continue, “and I apologize. I can’t make it up to you, what I did… I’ll never be able to make it right. And if you don’t want me to even try, then Kazimir will take care of it.”
“It?” she blurts, her uneasiness radiating at me.
“Me. My life… he’ll end it.”
“No!” Tillie fearlessly moves closer, extending her hand to me.
I can’t move an inch, so I stammer, “No, you shouldn’t. It won’t go well.”
Her hand stops just inches from me. “I can’t touch you?”
“I’m defiled in the eyes of the omegaverse, beneath you in every way. You can do whatever you like, but there will be grim consequences for me.”
Tillie slowly lowers her hand. “What do we do? How do we fix this?”
I can’t believe she asked that question, or that she’s exhibiting so much empathy for me. “There is nofixingthis. I’m a rogue alpha, now and forever.”
“No. This isn’t okay.”
“It’s what I deserve, but it’s kind of you to be offended on my behalf.”
Tillie scoffs, the flash of her irritation another unexpected gift. “I’m more than offended, and I’m going to fix this.”
I should play the victim and beg for exactly that, and yet, I find myself unable to withhold what’s in my best interest to conceal. “That’s a waste of your time and effort, because I don’t deserve to be saved from the fate I earned. Please, if you can stand it, let me learn to be better. This punishment is hell, but I’m not redeemed or rehabilitated just from suffering it. If my burdens were suddenly lifted, I can’t promise that my damaged soul wouldn’t fail you again.”
I’m a man confessing to his crimes, without the ability to stop, and then I understand the weight of my mark in a new, tragic way. I’m battling against this compulsion to provide the vilest truth to my omega, but there is no power that can overwhelm the mark’s dual purposes. TheRburning on my neck isn’t just forrogue—it’s forreveal.
The mark wins, and I lose again. Worse, my tone is born of violence as I declare our reality. “Without this leash, you wouldn’t be safe with me right now. Just as you weren’t safe in that penthouse when I arrived. Just as you wouldn’t have been safe during the heat if I weren’t muzzled. I would make you mine, no consent required, because that is my right.” I’m grasping to stop the flow of my truth, but still, I continue. “Let’s be honest with ourselves. If I’d been able to, I would have fucked you in the auditorium on that stage and then roared my conquest to all the world. If I’d been your first alpha, you would know your place.”
I watch in absolute horror as my words gain purchase within her mind and body. What surprises me is the sly spark in her eyes, as though she apprehends her power over me.
“Dr. Naughty Professor, is it?” she teases, and I wonder what’s come over her. She should be recoiling from me, fleeing to her benevolent alphas. “Here’s the thing. You’re an alpha, and the idea of getting plowed on that stage in front of the world would drench my panties—if I were wearing any.” Oh, no, she’s not lying about her arousal. Her perfume is reaching me, but it’s not for me now. It’s acrid, not appealing at all, just another form of correction if I were to presume to still be her alpha.
She doesn’t notice my reaction. “I’m beyond worrying about primal impulses and all the ways I can getshagged. As much as you might like to think omegas are delicate flowers, we’re much closer to unruly vines. We’re heartier than you’ve ever imagined, or maybe that’s just me and the origin omega—that chick is badass. Anyway, since you can’t conceal anything from me, I have a question that’s going to decide how you’ll be treated by our pack.”
Tillie doesn’t wait for any response from me. “Tell me this. Were you planning to hurt Ethan? Or Kazimir?”
Again, the skirmish begins, and I succumb almost instantly. “Yes.”
If Tillie is surprised, she doesn’t disclose it. “Hurt orkill?”
It’s no use, this struggle, and yet, I try. “Kill.”
