Page 61 of Generation Omega: Claimed
We aren’t finished.
The tour of my life continues, and it doesn’t take long to discover how much my worldview changed after losing my father. Everything before was floating on the lazy river at myfavorite water park, gently carried around the property with frequent off-ramps to other rides and yummy snacks. Life after was defined by going against the current, always battling to get back to a place that no longer existed. My actual fights were just me pounding on the door of fate, hitting something because my true enemy was intangible.
I think it through again. Before, I lived in the flow of life. After, I lived in the struggle.
I struggled to believe in myself.
I struggled to forgive myself for getting my father killed.
I struggled to protect Tillie from her parents’ neglect.
I struggled to give a shit about school and the future, when it was all downhill from the age of seven.
I struggled to understand myself and to believe I was good enough for Tillie.
I struggled to be there for her and keep her demons at bay.
Struggle…alwaysstruggle.
The legacy startles me by taking me into that alley where my life changed forever, revealing the events I was too weak to remember. I hear Kaz’s voice as he pressed for my consent. I witness him carrying me through alleys and damaged buildings, almost collapsing the entire time because he’d been poisoned by the alpha-targeted toxin in my veins.
The film speeds through the rest of the events between then and now. By the time it reaches me and presents the reality of what my eyes look like right now, my throat is so tight I’m surprised I can breathe. I have an uncontestable answer—not the exact one I’ve been seeking, but a piece of information that changes everything.
Things aren’t perfect with Kaz, with Tillie, or with this pack, but my entire outlook since Kaz bonded me and the omegaverse chose Tillie and accepted me… everything is different now. I’m juggling confusion, arousal, nervousness, connection, love,excitement, and terror about the future, but not struggle, not unworthiness, not loneliness. I know what this means. The grinding wheels of never-ending struggle and torment ceased to spin when Kaz claimed me. And the barrier that’s still standing in my way, making me actually consider abandoning those I love most, is that I’m more comfortable in struggle than in peace, acceptance, family, pack, and home.
Holy fuck.
While the enormity of this confrontation with my deepest truth crash-lands on me, the omegaverse remains quiet, and I only feel its support.
I never would have realized this—not by tomorrow or the next day, maybe not even twenty years from now. I would have walked away from my soul’s true home, without understanding the origin of the forces tearing me from the only happiness I ever would have found. If not for the pushy omegaverse, I would have lost everything and maybe even destroyed what I love most—all for nothing.
Not nothing—you would have done what you thought was right, for yourself and for them. That’s not meaningless.
But it would lead to disaster, wouldn’t it?
We don’t know everything, but that is our assessment of the dire consequences of your departure. You are the first bonded beta in the history of the world. Your place in this pack—the last pack that may ever exist—wasn’t an accident. You are our last desperate hope, a member of the pack who will remain grounded in reality and ensure that everyone remembers those they are meant to serve.
Your inclusion has had some unintended consequences that are terribly vexing to us—your dark alpha is becoming almost sunny, which is off-putting to say the least. But even that may serve the greater good.
Kaz…sunny? What?! But I can’t face that one yet. And, even though I’m still reeling, that doesn’t stop me from wanting more from the all-knowing omegaverse. It’s greedy—I know that—but could I ask for something else?
Yes.
My life would be so much better if I could just forgive myself for what happened to my father. Is there any chance you could help me find a way to do that?
We can’t teach you how to forgive yourself, because that’s a mystery each soul must discover. But we can share something that will lift the weight of the burdens you carry. We will want something from you in return.
That’s ominous. What do you want?
Continue assessing the pack and its members, and your place in it. Don’t fall under the spell of a true believer. Stay wary.
The professor’s flight really took you by surprise.
Yes. Be our analyst in the world who isn’t swept up in primal drives. Not a gullible follower. Not anyone’s acolyte. An individual. A pack guardian. A beta with a vested interest in the success of the omega and her pack.
I can do that—I’ll do that anyway.
Have you decided to stay?
