Page 59 of Generation Omega: Claimed
“Yes.” Gideon’s finally certain about something. “She’s got regrets about how she treated him—I don’t get it or feel it. The omega thing is definitely kicking in, and it might have caused a forever wound if she never got the chance to make things right with him.”
“Well, that’s something.” More than I’ll ever admit. I brace for what comes next. “As much as I want to be back with the pack, this situation with Thatcher is complicated for more than just me, and I want Ethan to have more time.” I search for anyhint of aversion and come up blank. “As soon as I return, and Ethan gives me his answer, I’ll bond Tillie.”
“Good. What about Thatcher?”
“I don’t know everything, but I doubt his bite is required anymore.”
His relief is as subtle as an enormous gong. “Well, that’s good news. I’m really curious though.”
“Yeah, me too. Gideon, I… I’m committed to our pack, or I wouldn’t have done what I did. I’ll explain when I understand it better. I can’t really count on guidance from the omega legacy, because they’re pissed at me.”
“Give them hell, Kazimir, as only you can.” Gideon’s amusement brings a smile to my face.
That feels gold-star adjacent—I’ll take it. “Okay, let’s talk plans. As soon as the bonds are healed, you need to be ready to ditch my yacht. We’ll reunite on land and keep moving forward.”
“We’re going to win,” he declares exactly like an action hero. “I mean, really,youdidn’t kill Thatcher. Tell me that’s not a promising sign, when the assassin who came to kill us finds worth in such an abrasive piece of shit. I’m damn inspired.”
I laugh with an edge of hysteria. “Sure, great,totallypromising. Sign me up. I’ll join your delusion and ride it until it bucks me off. Okay, down to business, where are we heading?”
CHAPTER 30
ETHAN
Is Tillie your true home? And is Kazimir your true mate?
Two questions. Two fucking questions. The most agonizing pop quiz of my life. At first, I thought just knowing the questions would create a map I could follow. But, after three days, I’m no closer to an answer, which makes me think I’m not ready for the answer. And if I’m not ready, then I already know the answer—don’t I? Because if I knew, for certain, that I belonged here with Tillie and Kaz, I’d grab that answer like it was a championship belt and never let it go. So, maybe it’s time for me to stop pretending I’m still seeking clarity, rather than desperately avoiding it.
I struggle to breathe, even here on the top of the yacht with the Milky Way winking and attempting to dazzle me with its pure wonder. But my boyish love of sailing, starry skies, and adventure is currently on life support as I face the end of my life as I know it.
How will I tell her that I’m leaving? How will I tell him? Now, those are some bullshit questions, because Gideon won’t let me tell her anything. He’ll be too busy erasing me from her past. And Kaz, he’ll know without a word being spoken. It’s sickening, all of it, and I can’t make it stop. I’ve lost control on a patch ofblack ice, and I’m skidding right into the rail that isn’t strong enough to hold. There’s a cliff in my future, and there’s nothing I can do to avoid it now.
In a flailing move, I grapple for something to cling to, some hopeful detail about the life I’m about to reclaim. But I can’t find anything other than the darkest clarity of all, the awareness that no one can really go home again. To think I’ll ever be who I was without Tillie in my life—I’d need to swallow all the denial in the world to believe that.
I keep thinking of a wild tale Mackenzie told Tillie while they were spooning together—they spoon for hours, wrapped in each other. He was sharing his particular love of tug o’ war at the Highland games. I can’t imagine how any other team would have a chance against someone with his sheer mass, but that’s not what captured my interest. It was how the image resonated in me, the idea of a rope with Tillie on one end and me on the other. I’m larger and more physically powerful, but Tillie’s pull on that rope has been the constant of my life. To think I would even be able to stand straight with her presence suddenly missing on the other end of my rope—it’s madness.
And what about Kaz’s hold on me? I attempted to place myself at the middle of the rope, with Kaz on one end and Tillie on the other, but that’s not what this is. Kaz and Tillie are together gripping their length of rope, and I’m their opposition. If they release their hold, I’ll collapse, my balance broken until I learn to stand again—alone, like I’ve never been.
I will. I don’t surrender. But the life I left behind, when I embraced my role in Tillie’s destiny, is not the one I’ll find when I go home. I’ll have to start again, learn who I am now and what I want.
Will I still be driven to fight? If so, will I have enough rage to fuel my bouts? Will I reconnect with my mother? Or will I wander the world for the rest of my life, always searching forwhere I belong? And what if I never feel anything even close to what I feel for Tillie and Kaz? What if, even with my doubts, this is the best my life will ever be?
I can’t go back, and I don’t want to move forward—that’s what Tillie said when she was struggling to accept her place in the omegaverse. I didn’t get it then, but I certainly do now. But it’s not the same for me. I know I can’t go back to who I was, but I want to move forward. I want to fully seize my life and live it the best I can, so that when I die and reach my father, he’ll be proud of the man I became even without his presence and support.
Well, I guess this is it, the choice made not with real insight, but by measuring my own aggressive avoidance. I thought reaching a decision would bring some peace, but I don’t feel anything but hollow and hopeless.
Ethan.
It’s the omega legacy calling. Is there a way to reject the call? Because ejecting them from my mind might be the only perk when I dismantle my fucking life.
We thought you might want an update on your alpha.
I wince. They’ve got my number, alright. Yes, please.
He’s alive and well, attempting to become an alpha worthy of you.
I groan audibly, knowing Kaz would never approve of the legacy seeking to undermine the decision I’ve made.
Maybe you can find him another beta. I throw that at the legacy and then almost hurl at the thought of Kaz bonding another man. Come on, I found my answer. Why isn’t it bringing any solace?
