Page 46 of Generation Omega: Claimed
We’re barely more than idling along, but Ethan grins like a proud sailor, before sobering again. “Do you know that she tried to get me to leave before she met up with you in that sketchy building?”
“I do.” I’m acting, because that didn’t sound anywhere near as grim as I feel about what would have happened if Ethan had walked away from Tillie.
“Tillie loves me and wanted me to leave, because this dangerous journey didn’t have to be mine.” He turns to me, sharing his earnest words. “I didn’t even consider it—I want you to know that. I wouldn’t be considering it now, except there’s an overprotective, Russian assassin in my head delivering ultimatums about my emotional landmines.”
He’s about to say more but stops himself, and when he speaks again, it seems like he skipped over something. “Kaz has come so far—you need to know that. He called Tillie courageous and commanded me to figure out my stuff by the time he gets back. Once he bonds Tillie, he won’t…” Ethan’s suddenly pleading for me to fill in the words he can’t say.
A grunt accompanies my realization, and I mostly feel like an idiot. Of course, Ethan can’t just walk away—he’s a bonded beta. Naturally, his infinitely loyal alpha is willing to embrace desperate measures to free Ethan, if that’s what Ethan needs. But the true sign of progress is what Ethan couldn’t say. Kazimir won’t tear Tillie apart by abandoning her after they’ve bonded, so that’s our countdown clock.
There’s wariness in Ethan as he watches me embrace the clarity of our current circumstances. I miss my blind spots, but here we are.
“I want to tread lightly on this, because I know how much you love Tillie and would never want to hurt her or leave her. I’ve also lived long enough to know that sometimes our needs aren’t the same as our desires. That’s the situation we’re in here, and whatever Kazimir heard in your thoughts set us on this course. I have to believe it was serious enough to warrant the risks involved.”
Ethan’s not proud of it, but he nods.
And here we go. “There are a few things I need to say before we make a plan to help you and certainly before you start opening up about your past. I don’t want to hurt you, but you need to understand what this looks like from my perspective, because I’m going to be making decisions about what affects Tillie.”
Only more agitated, Ethan says, “I understand. I need to hear this.”
“First, I won’t let Kazimir end his life to free you. We need him. Ory and I can work together to compel him to bond Tillie, removing any chance for him to do something so final. That said, we will find another way to free you, if needed. So, you don’t need to carry the burden of your alpha’s life.” I leave out my snarky feelings about Kazimir’s lack of moderation.
“Second, you must understand that if you need to leave the pack, that decision is final. It’s a one-way ticket out, with no way back. I wouldn’t let you do that to Tillie, but it’s more than that, something Tillie and I learned when she attempted to sever her bond with the omegaverse. They really aren’t messing around, and neither am I.”
My meaning seems to drift by Ethan, and when it actually lands, he’s locked in anguish. “I’ll neverbewith her again.” I wait, because that’s still surface. “I’ll never be able totouchTillie again.”
He needs me to say it, so I do. “You won’t ever be in her presence again. You won’t ever speak to her again. Your life will go in one direction, and hers will go in another.”
Ethan’s horror rips my heart out. “No…fuck, you’ll make her forget me? But you know that’s what terrifies her!”
“I do, and I’ll hate myself for becoming exactly what she fears, but I’ll still do it. And I don’t have to make her completely forget you—your lives are too intertwined for that. All I have to do is erase the conclusion of one night and part of the next day, along with a few moments here and there.”
“Oh…” He’s gutted, and I can’t help him, because he must know the cost of his decision. “The night we made love in the nest, the morning at the convention, her reveal…” Ethan swallows roughly. “I sensed it that night, the edge we were standing on—forever together or forever apart.”
“I’m sorry to say this to you, but…”
Ethan interrupts me. “But Tillie is yours to protect. I wish it were simple enough that I could hate you, but I can’t. As sick as it is, I’m grateful. I want to vomit, but I’m relieved that I can make my decision knowing that Tillie will not just survive—she’ll thrive with alphas who are as committed to her as I always tried to be.”
“As you alwayswereand will continue to be, unless it’s time for you to aim that deep well of care at yourself and the life you want to live.”
He smashes away some rogue tears. “How do I make this choice?How? I don’t even know how to begin to find an answer. Because it’s a gamble. I know what life looks like with her, but I can’t know what my life will be without her, and now without Kaz. To choose between what I know and a complete fucking mystery—it’s just so unfair.”
I wish I had a great writer handy, because Ethan deserves an inspiringly poignant speech, but then I realize that’s not what he needs. He needs the heartfelt words his father would have shared. I don’t know his dad, but I certainly know my own and what he would have said.
Filling my voice with as much truth and empathy as I can, exactly like my father would have, I say, “It’s not actually a gamble. It’s not even about what your life looks like now or what it might look like somewhere else. I truly believe you’ll find what you need if you can just answer two questions.”
“What questions?”
“Is Tillie your true home? And is Kazimir your true mate? It’s not simple, but it is simple. Because if you can honestly answer those two questions, then everything else will fall in line. Think about it—if you belong with Tillie and Kazimir, and we only survive five minutes after reaching shore, you would want to spend those five minutes with them. And the opposite is true too. If Tillie and Kazimir aren’t yours, then it’s not about losing what you have now, it’s about finding where you really belong.”
Ethan slumps in the chair, his hands falling to his lap as he kneads his bondmark.
After a few minutes of silence, except for the intermittent wind playing with a flag and the waves chattering against the hull, Ethan finally turns to me. “Thank you, alpha. I get it… Ican see a path to an answer—something I couldn’t even begin to imagine. It all just felt like a storm, like it always has, too much to possibly face at once. But now, I have a direction. I still need to work through it all, confront everything, but I think I can do this.”
“I think so too.”
“But I need a fucking nap first.”
“That’s fair. Go rest. We’ll pick this up later. You just let me know what I can do to help.”
