Page 102 of Generation Omega: Claimed
“No.” I’m gesturing wildly again. “What are you talking about? How are we in more danger if I can hear your thoughts?”
Tillie’s hopeless in a way I haven’t seen before, and I hate it. I hate this.
“Please, explain what you mean, because I have no fucking clue what you’re saying. I need to understand, and Idon’t. I don’t understand at all.Please, help me understand.”
Her voice is a barren wasteland, and I can barely catch even a hint of her orange and vanilla spice that’s still the best fragrance in this world. “I didn’twantto push you out. Ihadto… there wasn’t a choice for me.”
“Butwhy? Why was it so bad to let us in… to let us hear your thoughts, to be soothed in your inner world? Why was that so terrible?” I need to stop because now she’s confused and curious, and if I’m not careful, she’ll discover how hollow I truly am.
“It wasn’t… but it was.” Tillie’s about to sob, and Ory is about to neuter me, because that’s precisely what he’ll do before burying me up to my neck in the desert somewhere and leaving a bucket over my head. She wipes her eyes and attempts to shake off her unsteadiness. “It’s reality TV,” she blurts at last.
“It’s what?”
“Reality TV—the way they act. They know they’re on camera, and they know it’s going to be edited. They know other people are going to react to how they’re presented. They can’t act like normal people, because there’s nothing normal about having cameras recording everything you do or people watching your life as a form of entertainment.”
Tillie is imploring me to understand, but even without any reaction from me, she continues. “That’swhat it was like. I was self-conscious about my own mind. I was modifying what I thought to make you happy with me, to make sure you would accept me. And it will get us killed if I do that, because I’m theone and onlyomega—just like you said—and I have to be present, just likeyoucommanded. This is what being presentlooks like. It means having the freedom to consider anything, not just what pleases others.”
Tillie wipes away a tear. “I’m sorry it hurt you, but I have to care about the omegaverse and the world more than any one person, including you.” She covers her mouth with her quivering hand, as though that will prevent her emotions from overwhelming her. “I still can’t believe youdroppedme as soon as I did what I needed to do. You broke my trust, Jameson. You broke my heart. Because, yeah, you’re the bad boy, and I promised myself I wouldn’t fall for you, but, stupid me, I did. I fell hard for the man I think you want to be, but won’t let yourself become because…”
Her eyes fill with horror, and she shakes her head. “It’s fine. I’ll get Gideon, and we’ll set you free.”
“No, you won’t. You’re going to finish that sentence.” I didn’t bark, but it was definitely bark adjacent.
“No, I’m not. It’s not my place. You’re not my alpha anymore.” With a bitter edge, she adds, “You’re just a trust-fall gone wrong.” Who says words aren’t as lethal as a shotgun?
“Tillie, finish your sentence…please.”
“You really don’t want that.”
“I’m telling you I do. Why don’t you believe me?”
She tenses, her fingers digging into her arms. “Because I don’t trust you anymore.”
My craving for her answer is like an instant addiction, just like everything about my omega. “Maybe I deserve that…”Maybeis a stretch, but I’m not there yet. “… but I still need you to finish your thought before you dump me out.”
Tillie rolls her eyes. “Fine, but you asked, so don’t be an ass about my answer.”
I simply nod.
Tillie dares me to look away as she says, “I think the man youwantto be is the man your mother raised you to be.”
The fist that’s been around my heart this entire time constricts, stealing my ability to react.
“And I think you won’tallowyourself to be that person because that man would love me heart and soul. But you can’t let yourself do that because I could die and leave you, just like your mom did.”
Tears stream down her cheeks, and I’m moving toward her, scooping her into my arms and cradling her.
“I’m sorry,” she cries. “I’m so sorry you lost her, but she wouldn’t like what her death did to you. She loved you with everything she was. You were the best part of her life. She wanted you to have the world.Iwant you to have the world. I want you to have everything. But I can’t force you, and I can’t accept this shadow you created to protect yourself.” I’m trapped with her, with no possible escape, as her truth aims all its weapons directly at me. “It’s not fair to expect me to always be naked while you clothe yourself in lies.”
Tillie struggles to breathe over her sobs. “It’s not fair for me to be authentic while you pretend to be someone you’re not. It’s not fair for my mind to comfort you while yours is closed to me. It’s not fair for me to respect you while you don’t respect me. I’m not your submissive, Jameson, and certainly not some random chick you’re taking for a ride. I’m your omega, the woman who was made to love you, laugh with you, cry with you, and bang you like there’s no tomorrow. You told me I couldn’t hold anything back from you, and I’m not, but you are, and that’s not how this will ever work. You promised that if I jumped, you’d jump with me, but you didn’t. You let me fall alone.”
I’m rocking her with arms that will never tire of holding the weight of my omega. “Shh, honey, just breathe. It’s okay.”
She tries to jerk away from me, but that’s not going to happen. “No, it’s not okay. Nothing will ever be okay if you refuse to be my alpha.”
“I’m not refusing anything.”
“But you are. You caught me, lassoed me even, and then you threw me away as soon as I made you angry.”
