Page 83 of Generation Omega: Revealed
I wait to speak until I’m in the master bathroom with the door closed. “Ethan?”
“I’m here, Till.” He sounds so much better, unbelievably better.
“Tell me everything that’s happened. He hasn’t hurt you, has he? I’ll kill him if he’s hurt you.”
“He hasn’t hurt me—he’s helped me. Hesavedme.” Ethan’s voice makes no sense, the peace… it’s unfamiliar.
“Ethan, what’s wrong? You don’t sound like you. Did he put some alpha mojo on you? Mind control or something? Is he making you lie to me?”
“No, it’s nothing like that.” He laughs and doesn’t sound pained at all. “No mind control or evil puppet master stuff—I promise.”
My heart calls to Gideon as my stress spikes. “If he were controlling you, that’s exactly what he’d make you say.”
“Tillie, I’m me.”
“You don’t sound like you. I need to see your face.”
He hesitates. “Okay, but I’ve got a lot of bruises.”
I sit on the edge of the tub and exhale. “I can handle bruises.” I’m not sure that’s true—I’m not sure about anything right now. But I need to see his face.
I hold the phone away as the video call connects, barely breathing until it does. Finally, I can see his face and a grey stone wall behind him. He’s more than bruised—heisa bruise—but his eyes are bright and he’s smiling.
“Hey you.” His smile fades as he stares at me. “What’s wrong?”
“What do you mean?”
Ethan is suddenly ferocious. “You’renot okay—what’s happening?”
Crap. I forgot to attach myI’m finemask before answering the call. “I’m fine, really. It’s just a lot.”
The living bruise is dubious. “Don’t lie to me. Don’teverlie to me. What’s happening?”
Stupid tears—I can’t control them… I can’t control anything. “I’m trapped. I can’t get out of this. I can’t go back, and I don’t want to move forward. It’s all terrifying, everywhere I look. Because everywhere I look, I lose myself in this. The person I am is going to vanish, and I’m going to become this creature, thisomega. I didn’t know. This wasn’t in the fine print. I don’t want to get lost.”
“I won’t let you get lost. I would never let you lose yourself.” He’s wild-eyed and so clearly confused. “Did something happen with Gideon and your new alpha? Why do you feel this way?”
Ethan doesn’t understand—he can’t. He doesn’t know what it means to be permanently connected to and entirely dependent onstrangers.
“Did something happen?” I repeat his question back to him, keeping my voice soft and hopefully not drenched in sarcasm. “I became an omega—that’swhat happened. My alphas are just beingalphas, thinking they know everything, acting like I’m incapable of making decisions for myself. They seem to actually believe that my life began the second they showed up.”
The truth of it sinks in, and I’m a little kinder to myself. “I’m outnumbered, and I’m about to be seriously outnumbered if the omegaverse gets its way. And not just by burly alphas who can do whatever they want to me.”
Blue flames spark in Ethan’s eyes. “Did either of themforceyou to do something you didn’t want to do?”
“No, not yet.” Shame bursts from its cage at all I’ve willingly done and all my clothing-repellent omega made me do.
“So, they haven’t hurt you and they’re just trying to protect you.” Ethan’s confusion radiates at me and the gulf between us grows, each inch more painful than the last.
I don’t know what to say—my words feel wrong. I’ve never had to worry that Ethan wouldn’t immediately understand me. I’ve never had to justify any mood or feeling I’ve ever had. He accepted my truth without debate, but that’s not happening now and I don’t know why. All I know is that words are suddenly inadequate to express the raging darkness in me, and I’m afraid—downright unwilling—to present my evidence to the court of Ethan. I’d kill those tutu-wearing bears for standing in judgment of me now.
I can’t look into his beautiful eyes as the ugly truth declares itself. It’s already happened. I’m not the girl I was at Auntie Jem’s place. I’ve already changed, so much that Ethan doesn’t know me anymore. He doesn’t understand why I’m dying inside, as he waits for me to explain the unexplainable. Sometimes, asking for validation from others is the greatest act of self-harm imaginable. I won’t do it.
I can’t go back, and I don’t want to move forward—so, what should I do?
Trust your alphas.
The omega guidance sounds super valid, but I have my answer all ready.Fuck you, you fucking fuckity fuckbag, toxic-as-shit omega plague.There, the omega helpline is officially closed for business.
