She huffed. “I normally run on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts, but it’s not cutting it today. You’re my Maid of Honor, and I need you to do some shit for me right now. It’s your sole duty, as my relative and Maid of Honor, to keep me safe and happy. Do you remember making that promise?”
I did not. I suddenly regretted my acceptance of this role. That’s a lot of pressure. “Let’s take a breath.” I pasted on my best Maid of Honor smile. “What’s happening in the world of Tawnee?”
She spoke through gritted teeth. “I have a bone-crushing headache and feel all wonky. I need at least a Xanax or hydrocodone. You’re a nurse, God bless you. Now let’s get those fingers dialing your phone.”
There was an uneasy urgency about her. “Honey, I can’t write prescriptions, and besides, any of those would make you crazy.”
She lunged and grabbed my upper arms in her hands. “Do I seem crazy to you?”
Crap, was I supposed to answer? Her eyes were blinking at an alarming rate, and there was a little drool on her lip. Maybe?
She leaned in closer. “Listen, cousin, my blood family, I need help now. Certainly, you know a pharmacist in the area who’s a little shady and could hook me up. Right?”
I looked behind her to see everyone laughing and talking while Tawnee was losing her shit right in front of me. Then a brilliant idea did a stunning ballet leap into my cranium. “Well, I do have some Tylenol with codeine in my purse.” Total lie. “And they’re strong, the strongest allowed in the United States. It will get rid of that headache and jumpiness.” I looked at her fingers gripping my arms, and she released me. “Come back to the table with me, and I’ll give them to you.” Plain Tylenol, but as a nurse, I’ve seen how the mind can grasp things and make changes on its own with a lie. Yes, the only time a lie is helpful would be in a medical emergency.
She let out a sigh and threw her arms around me. “Oh, Fern, thank you so much. I know it’s just wedding stress, but I’m kind of a mess.”
I pulled back and tucked a piece of her hair into her up-do. “This will do the trick, I promise. Let me get you two.”
Desperation was swimming in her eyeballs. “I need three. Please give me three. For the love of God, two won’t cut it. I need all I can get.”
I could almost feel her heart beat outside of her body. “Of course, but that’s really too much so it’ll work fast.” I nodded as she hugged me again.
Her smile returned. “Thank you.”
After Tawnee took her magic pills, Ed clinked his spoon on a wine glass. “We wanted to thank everyone again for being here tonight. We look forward to seeing you all tomorrow for the big day.”
Tawnee waved me over. “Let’s go chill in our room, okay?”
“Nothing sounds better.”
Tawnee and I sat on the dark beige couch in the light-beige hotel suite living room filled with medium beige décor. I would’ve paid money for a splash of any color.
“Is your headache gone?”
“My head is better. I’m just feeling a little jittery.” She chewed on her thumbnail that I immediately pulled out of her mouth. The fuck I’m not the queen of the Maids of Honors?
“That’s normal. You’ve been planning and dreaming of this day, and it’s finally here.” I hugged her. “You just need a good night’s sleep and some more of my magic Tylenol.”
“Or magic mushrooms? Can you get mushrooms?”
I pulled back. “I don’t know where you’ve gotten the impression I dabble in drug dealings, but I do not. And you will not either.”
“Fine.”
I stood and pulled her to her feet. “I know something better. Let’s go put on our matching shorty jammies that Mama Sharon ordered for us and meet out here in ten minutes. Let’s enjoy a hot fudge sundae from room service before bed. Okay?”
Her smile turned up, and she nodded. “That sounds perfect. But I definitely need double hot fudge.”
“You got it.”
We scurried off to our bedrooms where I pulled on my hot pink and white polka dot shorty pajamas.
I sprung out into the living room, picked up the phone, and ordered two hot fudge treats with triple the hot fudge. Boom.
“Tawnee! They’ll be here soon.” My cell phone pinged, and I snatched it from the coffee table.
Fern, I’m sorry. I’m not sure what to do. Ed and I started dating and got engaged so fast, and now I’m just feeling like I won’t be enough for him. He hasn’t even seen me at my worst, and we both know I can be a total bitch. I’ve been fighting this all day, and I think even feeling this way tells me I might be wrong for him. I need some time to think. I’m sorry.
