Gabe’s demeanor changed. I could see his profile and the clenched jaw. “It’s not like that.”
Ed’s voice softened. “I don’t want to say it, but these feelings for Fern could just be there because of the similarities between the Fern and Amy situations.”
There was a painful twist in my chest.
“No, that has nothing to do with it.” Gabe hissed out the words. “Fern is Fern. Nothing to do with Amy.”
“Calm down. I’m just saying you’ve carried that accident with you every day, and you’ve blamed yourself even when you shouldn’t have for not being able to get Amy. And now you save Fern like you couldn’t Amy? It’s reasonable to consider that deep down a part of your connection to Fern might be as a protector or something.”
“No, that’s not it at all.” His words cut through the air.
Ed stood up. “I don’t know anything, and I don’t want to piss you off. You’ve been devastated at how you lost Amy, reliving that day and the regret for not being there with her. And now you save another beautiful woman in the same exact situation? I’m no shrink, but it seems like you’d be able to comfort yourself with Fern after what happened. Maybe that eases the loss of Amy. Like your mind has latched onto one because you can’t have the other.”
It was a punch.
“Subconsciously, Fern might have stepped into Amy’s shoes. I just hope you think this thing through. I’m here if you need to talk.” He patted his shoulder before walking out the back door into the four-season room.
I stood frozen as Gabe sat at the table while I listened to the sound of a thud beating in my ears.
Could he want to be close to me because of how he lost the love of his life? Did he linger over my tattoo that is the twin of his dead wife’s tattoo? Holy crap. I was cold and hot at the same time while I was trying to comfort my heart that was attempting to block out the last five minutes in fear of imploding.
I nearly jumped out of my skin as Katie popped up beside me. “Hey, after breakfast, we’re heading out. Do you want to catch a ride with us?”
“Shh. Quiet,” I whispered.
“Why are you whispering?” Her voice echoed into the kitchen.
I looked in to see Gabe turn in his chair as his eyes latched onto me. He stood quickly, and his face told me he knew I’d heard his conversation. “Fern?—”
I plastered a smile while attempting to gulp oxygen and turned back to Katie. “Yes, I’ll grab my suitcase.”
She squeezed my arm. “Take your time. I’m going to whip up some eggs.”
“I’m not hungry.” I zipped past her and up the stairs.
Once inside my bedroom, I shut and locked the door before resting my hands on my knees, trying to catch the breath that was caught in my ribs.
My heart sank when the quiet knock on the door happened. “Fern.”
I started grabbing my clothes and throwing them into my suitcase.
“Fern, it’s not what you think. What Ed said was all wrong.”
His voice had a concern to it that yanked at me, and I wanted to throw open the door and find my way into his arms. I wanted his hands in my hair, his lips overtaking mine, his smell. To feel him all over me.
My vision blurred as clips of the last days overwhelmed my senses. Ice fishing. His kisses on the stairs. Dancing. His beautiful face while he laughed and did shots with me.
He knocked again. “Fern, please let me in.”
The relentless pull in my body screamed that I had let him in, never knowing that the closeness may have been something different for him. Was I a reminder of what he once had and lost? Was the connection he had to me from beyond the grave? Did I ever see this as a possibility for anything in my life? The short answer was no. The long answer was oh hell no.
Dear Fairy Godmother, what in the fuckity fuck?
“Fern.” It was a harsh whisper coming from the hall.
I wanted to sweep away the last ten minutes and be how we’d been during the magical weekend at the cabin, but there wasn’t a way to put it back. I couldn’t un-hear the words that made me want to roll into the fetal position and overdose on Pixie Stix and Dove chocolate.
I finished shoving all my clothing in the suitcase and turned to see the burgundy dress staring at me from the closet. I took the hanger in my hand but then put it back. I couldn’t. I never wanted to see the dress or remember the night again.
