She tossed her phone to some dude who snapped away.
I got out of their arms, but one gal suddenly jumped up, and her legs were around my waist. “Nice to meet you, but I’m looking for a friend.”
There was cheering around me as I attempted to free myself from her legs. (A sentence not used too frequently in my past) “Honey, I need you to let go.”
“Never!” Her drunken laughter rang in my ear.
I got hold of her shoe around my ass and tried to escape her when she was suddenly plucked off me. I looked down to see Fern with the blonde in her arms.
“Cosa diavolo stai facendo!”
She’d broken out the Italian. Be still my heart. Next, she held the tripping woman up. “Didn’t your mother teach you to keep your hands to yourself? You’re wasted off your ass in a bar filled with horny men looking to take advantage of you.” She pointed to me. “Just because this man is a public figure does not mean you have the right to lay a finger on him. You are single-handedly giving women a bad name!”
She looked around at the divorce crew.
“For the love of God, please tell me someone here is the designated driver?”
A woman raised her hand. “That’d be me. Cleary, the envy of everyone.”
Fern pushed the blonde chick toward the brave soul. “Good luck.”
She walked ahead, and I caught up. “Tawnee isn’t here.”
“That was something back there.” I couldn’t take my eyes off the polka dot jammie shorts in front of me. How perfectly they were filled out. Mmm. “Maybe someone’s a little jelly?”
A gasp that I could feel surrounded me as she turned back so quickly, I nearly toppled over her. “I’m anything but jealous. I just don’t appreciate anyone getting handsy with anyone else.” She waved her arm in the air. “If you were a hobo on the street, I’d have done the same thing. It really had nothing to do with you.”
“Really? A hobo?”
“Whatever.”
Once outside, I followed her sweet tush toward the line at The Saloon that was halfway down the block.
“Do you think she’s in there? This line could take us forever to find out.” She stomped her cute little Ugged foot. “Sugarsnap!”
A laugh escaped. “Sugarsnap?”
“I’ve decided I’m trying to clean up my language for your information. Some of us are attempting to be a better version of ourselves.”
“I like the old version of Fern. I don’t imagine the new one could be any better.”
If I saw correctly from the glow of the streetlight next to her, those cheeks turned rosy.
“Well, you’ll never know.” She yanked her coat on. “And I may freeze to death on this street.”
“I know how to get you warm real fast.” I crossed my arms over my chest, getting a kick out of her dramatic eye roll.
“That’s it. You are standing on my last freaking nerve. You are driving me nuts! I’m ignoring you from this second on.”
I leaned in, “Right,” I drawled. “You can’t keep your thoughts from me. There’s no way in hell you can ignore me.”
Her eyes narrowed while her teeth clenched. “I will ignore you so hard you’ll start to doubt your own existence.”
I reached out and pushed her shoulder because I was lovin’ this, “I see what’s happening here.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not talking to you, I’m?—”
“I know, I know, you’re ignoring me. Well, trying to ignore me. But we both know you can’t. I make you…hot and bothered.”
