Austin waved to her as she approached the parking stall in front of us. She let go of one handlebar to wave back, losing control of the moped, which swerved violently and whipped around for a few seconds before crashing on its side.
“Shit!” Austin and I stood frozen for a second before rushing to her, but she immediately came to her feet, grabbed the moped, and looked at us before hopping back on and zipping away down Millard Avenue.
“Son of a bitch; did that really just happen?” Austin scratched his head. “Ya think she’s okay?”
I shrugged as she disappeared out of sight.
He slapped me on the back. “Alrighty then, looks like you now have two beer dates.”
The place was packed, so I stood at the bar chugging my first beer, regretting ever letting Austin get me off the damn couch when a woman in tight jeans and an even tighter shirt hopped up on a table with a microphone in her hand.
“Hey, everybody! Thanks for coming out to support the volleyball team’s fall fundraising event. Here’s how this is going to go down. All you handsome fellas take a seat at one of the tables, and us ladies will do the rest.” She laughed as cheers erupted. “Y’all like the ladies doing the work, huh?” She hooted like a true cowgirl. “Okay, one beer, and then we move to the next table, ladies. Do we understand?”
I sat at a table and was pleasantly surprised when a very pretty redhead sat across from me. Maybe this didn’t totally suck.
“Hi, I’m Stacey. I saw you with Austin. You’re Jax, right?”
“That’s me. Nice to meet you.”
A waitress placed two beers in front of us.
“These things are a little weird, huh?” She shook her head.
“I agree. I was kind of dreading this, but, well, you seem pretty cool.”
“You mean I’m not a freak, right?” Taking a long drink, she winked conspiratorially. “Austin said you both live on a ranch, right?”
“Yes. You’re on the volleyball team, I assume?”
“Yes, I love it.”
“What’s your major?”
“Chemical Engineering.”
“Pretty and smart.” I took a drink. “Can I ask you something? Why are you single? I mean, do you not date often?”
A giggle snuck out. “I don’t have a lot of luck with dating. I had a blind date last weekend, and we had a really nice time, but he didn’t call or text. I mean, we had a connection, but he just never called.”
“Bummer.”
“Yes. I don’t know why guys never want to call me back. Why do you think he didn’t call me back? I mean, I’m like super fun.” Her eye contact was intense for our two-minute relationship.
“I don’t know. You seem very nice and all.”
I jumped when her hand hit the table. “I know! Because I’m totally nice and just looking for the right man. Don’t tell anyone, but I already bought my wedding dress. It’s perfect, and now I just need the perfect guy.”
How the fuck do I get out of here?
“I just don’t get it. Have I done anything here today that would make you not call me?”
I was scoping the room for Austin. “Uh, no, that dude must be nuts.”
She nodded. “I mean, I’m pretty, right? And I have new boobs, so I know it’s not that. I just don’t know why guys won’t call me back. Maybe they just think I’m too good to be true or something? What do you think? Why do guys not call me back?” She leaned in close. “Is it my eyes? Do they scream untrustworthy?”
They were screaming batshit crazy at me. I chugged my beer as I shook my head again and prayed this thing was about over. Thank God there was a buzzer, and I waved her out of my life forever, realizing maybe my empty house wasn’t a bad thing after all.
I spotted Austin across the room. He gave me a thumbs up. I flipped him the bird and made a mental note to beat the shit out of him later.
