Page 15 of Changing Caleb
15
Caleb
Once I calm down, I return to the living room. Everyone is staring at me. They all want to see what I’m going to do next. Will I scream and yell? Will I chase after her? That may have been what I would have done in the past. I don’t want to be that person anymore, though. I can’t prove that to Casey if I engage in a fight with her.
“Leave,” I say, quietly. For a moment, it doesn’t seem like they heard me. “Leave!”
This time, Lilly startles, and I see Avery wince. Jade has sense enough to simply gather her things and walk out without saying a word to me. Maybe she didn’t know whose house she was cleaning either. She seemed to be just as shocked as Casey about this being my place.
“I really am sorry, Caleb,” Lilly mumbles. Brady takes her arm and leads her to the door. He hollers over his shoulder that he’ll call me later.
Avery is the last one here. I can’t read the expression on her face, but I can guarantee she doesn’t want to have this conversation with me right now.
“You can leave too,” I let her know, annoyed that my own sister was in on this bullshit.
She crosses her arms defiantly. “I came back to this damn town for you, Caleb. I have no idea why I’m still here, but it sure as hell isn’t so I can watch you and Casey do the same old thing over and over.”
“Then don’t. Go back to California any time you get ready.”
“Don’t you get it?” she yells. “This is the first time you even remotely seem to be acting like the real you! Don’t get me wrong, I love the improved version of you. The one where you don’t drink yourself into a stupor every night, and the one who doesn’t need to get fucked up and get into trouble everywhere he goes, but we both know Casey is right, this isn’t you.”
“What the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean she’s right?”
“Caleb, you are a good guy,” Avery says and comes over to me. She encloses me in a hug that I reluctantly return. “But you aren’t always theniceguy. Hence that whole line about her being on her knees. Just face it. You and Casey have something that apparently, neither of you are over yet. It doesn’t mean it’s right, or wrong. But you don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not in order to be a different person.”
“We lost a baby,” I confess, finally telling someone.
Avery leans back, her eyes full of concern. “A baby?”
“Yep,” I reply, fighting back tears. “That’s what all this shit is really about. She was late, so she got a test. Positive. It was fucking positive. We weren’t ready for a baby, and I told her that.”
“Oh, God.”
“But I was in shock. We’d always been so careful, and somehow, she was pregnant. The timing sucked. I tried to talk to her about it, tell her how I felt, and she told me to hit the fucking road. If I didn’t want the baby, she’d do it alone.”
“And you left.”
“I left and went to that stupid party. Got drunk off my ass. I just wanted to blow off some steam. I don’t even remember how Tori got me alone. We fooled around, but that’s it. I shouldn’t have even been there with her. I passed out and the next day, I went to see Casey. Let her know I was ready if she was. She accused me of fucking Tori. She was so distraught, so irate. She wouldn’t listen to me at all.”
“And she lost the baby.”
“She wanted to get away from me. There were only a few steps on the porch, but she fell, and I knew. I knew the pain she was having wasn’t good.”
“Jesus,” Avery mutters and pulls me back into a hug. “I get it, Caleb. I get it now.”
I cry at the relief that someone knows. This pain I’ve been carrying with me, it nearly destroyed me. I couldn’t make it go away. Still can’t. But it’s better. It’s better becauseI’mbetter.
16
Casey
Iwrap the sheet around my naked body, blinking back tears. Derek snuggles up behind me, kissing my shoulder. When I left Caleb’s place, I went home and showered, crying about the whole mess. My hand drifted over my flat stomach, a reminder that I had a baby growing inside me once. Then, that was all taken away.
Unable to push the thoughts of Caleb and our lost baby from my mind, I drove to Redbud. I thought having sex with Derek would take my mind off things. It only reminded me that I’m the one putting on a charade.
Somehow, I’ve convinced myself that I can be happy with Derek. That we can have what I lost with Caleb. It’s not the same.
“Derek, we need to talk.”
