Page 9 of Outside the Lines
"Because I loved you."
I would have called him a liar, but there were tears in his eyes before he looked away from me. "What?" I demanded.
"You were eighteen, and I was in love with you, a child I'd watched grow up from the time you were fourteen. When you were here it was hard enough not to tell you how I felt about you. If you'd come home with me, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself. I turned you away because I was protecting you. From me. I had to keep you safe."
I could only stare at him. "I wouldn't have turned you away," I whispered. I felt as if I was breaking apart. Alex had loved me? No one had ever loved me. No one knew how to love me. I'd barely begun to love myself.
He met my gaze and wiped a few tears from his cheeks. "I know. I saw how you looked at me. I didn't want that for you. I didn't want to be someone that took away your innocence. I loved you, and you were just a child."
I shook my head. "I was eighteen, not a child," I told him adamantly. I knew a perv when I saw one, and I knew in the deepest parts of myself that Alex had never, ever been that for me or anyone else here. He was too good, too kind, to ever be that kind of a monster.
"Thanks. That helps. A bit. I think." He sounded relieved, almost absolved.
"You said you loved me then. How about now?" Dangerous territory should have been the theme of the day, I decided as I waited for him to answer that question. He could hurt me again as I sat open and vulnerable across from him. I would have let him, too, if he would just tell me the truth.
"I didn't think it was possible to love you more than I had then. But now I know I do."
He sounded scared telling me that. I reached out and took his hand, easily entwining his fingers in mine. "Me too."
We sat like that for a long time, neither of us willing to move from that spot until he said, "I get off at six. Want to get some coffee?"
Smiling, I gave him a little nod. Coffee with Alex sounded just about perfect.
Chapter Three
Alex
I never thought that I would be seeing Trin again. I'd wanted to. And sometimes I had even dreamed of what it might have been like to see them smile at me again in that soft way. But I'd never thought that it could have ever been a possibility. And now I was going out for coffee with them.
It was a date. I was sure of that. A date with Trin. Who was nine years younger than me and who I had met when they were just fourteen. Part of me revolted at that idea. The age difference was bad enough but I'd known Trin when they'd been a child.
The other, stronger, part of me told me to get over those details and focus on the here and now as I packed up my desk and locked the files away for the day. I headed the two blocks down the street to the coffee shop to meet Trin.
The facts of the day were that Trin was twenty-four now, and utterly stunning with long, nearly white hair and perfect pale skin. Their eyes were the same sky blue that had first caught my attention, and the combination was almost ethereal.
I was thirty-three, heavier than I would have liked to have been, and I had absolutely zero social life. I didn't have time for one. My life literally consisted of being at the shelter, raising awareness and money for the shelter, and getting things for the kids at the shelter. Sometimes I got a full six hours of sleep. Most nights I was too worried about one of my kids to get more than a few hours before coming back to work, whether or not I was supposed to be working there at the time. Sometimes Kim came in and found me slumped over one of the many files that I'd been reading to try to figure out what I could do to personally make a kid's life better.
Soft jazz played overhead as I entered the coffee shop. Trin was against the back wall, well away from the closest window, and their eyes were on me as I entered. I expected nothing less from them. Trin had always had a way of protecting themselves in whatever situation they were in, even if it was unconsciously. I was both glad and sad to see that this trait had been preserved into adulthood.
Trin smiled up at me and rose from the table to greet me. My ex had rarely even done that for me. Standing there in front of Trin, I wasn't sure what to do now. Did I hug them? Shake their hand?
"Hey. Can I hug you?" I asked.
Trin's smile grew a bit and they nodded. "Yes please." They stepped into my arms and I held them loosely. They were lean, like a cat, and warm, without pressing against me too much. We were friends, not lovers, and I felt the tightness in Trin's body as they stood there in my arms. I had loved them, and I still did, but in some ways, we were almost strangers as we stood there in the coffee shop.
"You look good," I said as I reluctantly pulled away. Trin and I had never had a physical relationship before. Not even one where we hugged on occasion.
"I didn't change anything about myself from when you just saw me." Trin kept their hand on my arm, even after I'd released them. I liked that contact. Their nails were manicured and neatly painted in an almost opaque cream color. It was barely noticeable.
Taking a chance, I slipped my fingers into the hand that they had on my arm. Their fingers were long and delicate, and their palm was warm and soft against mine. They didn't pull away from my hold. I knew how easily Trin could decide to leave. They'd nearly refused to stay at the shelter that first night because I'd demanded to know their name. I'd never gotten it, but I supposed that now their name didn't really matter either. Whoever they had been before Socks didn't exist anymore. And now Socks was gone too.
"I'm looking forward to getting to know you again, Trin," I quietly said.
Trin blushed and ducked their head to hide the color on their cheeks. I had the sudden urge to kiss their reddened lips, but I didn't want to risk upsetting them. So, I settled for lightly brushing my lips over their cheek.
Trin gasped softly. I straightened back up. I'd only had to lower my head a few inches to be able to kiss them. But now Trin was watching me intently. "I liked that."
Smirking, I nodded. "I'm glad. I'm sure it's not the best kiss that you've ever had, but I'd like to think it was a good first step."
