Page 6 of Outside the Lines
He lifted his eyebrows. "Oh?"
I played with the arm of the chair. I hadn't had that habit since leaving here, but I guessed that it was coming back. Great. Well, as far as bad habits went, I supposed that I could have worse ones. I consciously forced myself not to mess with the chair anymore or pay any attention to the little bit of string hanging down off the arm.
"I wanted to come here to thank you for what you did for me. For all of us really, but for me especially. I needed you from the first day to the last, and you never let me down once. I wanted you to know that." I was vulnerable again as I looked over at him. But I wasn't a kid anymore, and he was a colleague in my field. I tried to remember that as I held my breath and waited for him to say something.
He leaned forward and unfolded his legs as he softened his face. This wasn't the Alex that I knew who had been the intern and then the counselor. This man was vulnerable too, and I didn't know what to do with an Alex that wasn't the rock I had relied on through my teenage years. "I still remember that night that I brought you here."
"I do too." I knew where I would have been if he hadn't found me, though I don't think he did. I'd never been all that open about my life before, and aside from the basic questions of what happened to my home life and what drugs I'd tried up to that point, he hadn't pressed. I'd stayed clean and he'd kept me safe. That was all that mattered then, and I tried not to let anything else come into that space. It'd worked so far, and I had a good track record of keeping my past in a dark little box that wasn't to be touched or thought about.
"You were so thin," he continued.
I smirked. "I'm still thin."
He chuckled, and the sound was dark and beautiful. "Yeah. I guess you are. Want some chocolate? I got some good stuff yesterday at the store."
Shaking my head, I knew I couldn't go there with him. Not here, in this place. Not again. "Maybe another time." It was a lie. I wouldn't be coming back here.
I'd come to say nearly everything, and I was working up to the next part in inches that felt like claws scratching over my already fragile nerves. Getting up the nerve to come back and see him had taken enough work, and now that the first part had been done, I wanted to go. But I had to know the rest, and I wasn't going to get up the courage to come back here again. I wasn't a brave person, but I wasn't a scared little child either. Somewhere between the two was where I made my claim, and I lived a pretty comfortable existence on my own.
"Do you have a few more minutes?" he asked me.
I nodded. "I do."
"Great." He got up from his chair, and I was left looking up at him as he went to the door. "C'mon, I have someone that I'd like you to meet."
At first I didn't move, but he didn't budge either as thoughts raced through my mind. I didn't need to meet the counselors; I knew from the website that they mostly hadn't changed since I'd been here.
"Aren't you even a little bit curious?" he asked me as he still held the door open.
That was it, my Achilles' heel, and he still knew it. I had a natural curiosity that he'd exploited before to get me to try something new. I found myself getting up from the chair before I'd even decided that I'd follow him. But I guessed that the idea that I wouldn't follow him never really occurred to me.
Past the small library full of donated books and worn out couches and up the stairs, I followed him. Most of the kids were out back. I could hear them yelling as they played something that sounded a bit like football. But there were others in the upstairs bedrooms that we passed, and I could hear them talking and listening to music through the doors left ajar. Three bedrooms with two sets of bunk beds in each, the same as when I'd been here. Even the paint was the same ugly shade of mustard.
"In here," Alex said, stopping in front of a door that was mostly open. Second bedroom on the left.
I didn't ask who I was supposed to meet; instead I knocked on the door and waited for a quietly called word to enter the room I'd once shared with three other people for four years. Going in, I noticed that nothing had really changed, though the closet doors had been taken off and replaced with sheer drapes. It was a nice touch of color.
I didn't see the kid right away; they were hiding in the corner of the bottom bunk. Wearing a long dress that was too big on them didn't hide the bruises on their left arm. This was the kind of kid I worked with, and the pain I could see in those perfect blue eyes was all too familiar.
"Hey," I said, crouching down so that I could see them better. "I'm Trin."
"Like Trinity?" they asked me.
I nodded. The connection was easy enough I supposed. "I named myself after this place once I went to college. Want to talk for a bit?"
They shrugged. "You work here?"
Shaking my head, I figured that I might as well get comfortable on the floor. "No. I came back to see Alex, and he said I should come meet you. I can leave if you want."
"I don't."
"Okay." I didn't press. I didn't even know what Alex thought I should talk to this kid about anyway. I waited to see if the kid wanted to say something to me because I was coming up with a big blank.
"I like your eyeliner," they finally said.
I smiled. "Thanks. I have a friend that does it for me. I kept stabbing myself in the eye."
They smiled too. "Me too. I had contacts once, but I couldn't handle them so I wear glasses now, but people make fun of me for them. So..."
