Page 27 of Outside the Lines
He shook his head. "No, I'm okay right here like this. So what's your news?"
Well alright then. I guess we could do this while we were standing in the kitchen too. "Alex wants us to move in with him. And that little girl that I told you about that has been through so many foster homes. Sally. He wants all of us to move into a house with him."
Andy just stared at me.
"You'd need your foster parent approval first," I said. He needed to know it wasn't going to be easy transition for any of us.
"We are what and the what now?"
Sitting down for this would have been a much better idea. "Let's go to the couch."
"Yeah..." He forgot the fruit and followed me over there. "You want to move in with him? Already?" Andy asked me as soon as we were sitting down.
Maybe it was sudden. It felt that way to me too. "Yes, eventually. After you're both approved to be foster parents. Or at least approved to have a foster child living in the house with us."
"Trin, I know you're comfortable around him. And you seem like you love him too. But I've only spent a few minutes with him. And we were talking about you the whole time. I'm not ready to move in with him. I don't even know him."
"We have time for that," I said as reassuringly as possible as I took his hand in mine. "He'll come over and we'll have dinner at least a few times. If you aren't ready when everything else is, then we'll wait until you are. If you want to move in with us. I do want you there. I want to be able to make sure that you're okay and that you have someone nearby when your mom decides to try to make you feel like crap."
Andy rolled his eyes. "You may end up having a roommate for the rest of your life then because I don't think she's ever going to change her ways."
I had a feeling that wouldn't be happening anytime soon either. "I know. And we'll get through it. Together."
Andy smiled at me and draped his arm over my shoulders. "You realize it's only been about a week. Right? You don't think you're rushing this?"
I wasn't sure if I was or not. "I think that if we were going to be moving in together tomorrow, that would be rushing it. I think that if he had proposed tonight, that would have been far too much for me to be able to handle. But we're talking close to a year, probably, before he would be able to be approved to be a foster parent, and also he would have to get a house before then too. So we've all got some time to adjust to the idea of us all living together."
"Good. I need every minute of that time. You know I don't trust easily."
"Neither do I. It's going to be a lot to handle. But Alex is a good guy."
"He must be, for you to be so in love with him."
I did love him. And that was okay. And even if the idea of moving in with him scared me right now, I knew that we could make it work too if we took our time and went slowly. I thought that would be the key to all of this. Going slowly. I'd had four years to build up my trust with Alex. Andy would need some time to see that he was a good guy too. That he could be trusted and that he wouldn't hurt any of us.
*~*~*
Alex came over for dinner a few nights later. I made a salad. Andy fixed the spaghetti and meatballs. Alex brought flowers and some chocolate covered strawberries.
We ate the strawberries on the couch together with me in the middle, and we were still eating them long after dinner was over because he'd thought to bring so many of them. "Thank you for thinking of these," I said when the second box was nearly gone.
Alex had only had a few. Andy had tried, and failed, not to eat nearly as many as I had. "You're welcome. I remembered how much you liked chocolate and fresh fruit back at the shelter, and the flower store that sells them is on my way home from work."
Andy gave me a wink. When Alex brushed his fingers over my thigh, I blushed, but I didn't pull away from him. I looked up to find him watching me intently. "Is this okay?" he asked me. I nodded. I didn't readily give affection, or receive it, in front of other people. But my goal was to have us all living together, which meant that a simple touch from Alex was going to have to be okay for all of us. I didn't want things to be weird between any of us while we were all living together, and I didn't want to have to censor myself or my relationship with him to accommodate anyone else. Especially in my own home.
Then I thought about Sally and how she might handle seeing two adults being affectionate to each other, and I started to get worried. Her foster parents had surely hugged or kissed in front of her before. They had to have. And that gave me some hope. We'd have to go slow with her around. And we'd have to be careful. But I knew if we all tried, then we could all make it work. I had to know how much Alex was willing to put up with though.
"Are you really going to be okay living with Sally too? Andy is easy to get along with. I know you won't have any problems there. But I'm worried about Sally," I quietly admitted.
"Why are you so worried about it?"
I didn't like sharing other people's secrets, but at the same time, there were things both Andy and Alex had to know about if Sally was going to be living with us, and maybe, from what I’d said earlier, Alex already knew some of what I was going to say. "Sally's trauma has to do with adults and water, and also sexual abuse. Her main issue though is the water."
Alex looked angry. He had experience dealing with traumatized kids so I was sure he was able to figure out what had happened to her. Andy shook his head. "I don't even want to know. So what do you need from us?"
I loved them both so much, in very different ways. "You need to wear clothes and not make her feel bad about not getting clean." I turned to Alex. "I don't know how much affection she'll be okay seeing between us. That's what I'm worried about."
"I don't want to not be able to touch you," Alex said.
