Page 13 of Outside the Lines
At the shelter, we worked from a safety perspective of the kids. There were certain things that we legally had to report. But that didn't mean that we didn't first consider the child's mental and physical safety first before doing anything else. I liked that about working there. Sometimes, if it was in the kid's best interest, we did bend the rules just enough to make sure that they were protected above anything else.
Chapter Four
Trin
Alex walked me to my door. It was weird, but he was one of the few people that I didn't mind knowing where I lived. I heard Andy's heavy rock music that bordered on metal coming through the door, which was comforting. I felt safe with Andy, and I did with Alex too, but with Alex, things were different. He was unpredictable, and he made me unsure of myself. Andy walked around naked most of the time and drank milk straight from the jug. I didn't have to be on my guard around him. Alex made me want to dress up and walk around in heels. He made me want to be pretty, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that just yet.
"This is me," I said, completely unnecessarily. He'd walked me to my door. He knew that this was my place.
Alex looked up and down the street. "Seems nice and quiet. Do you feel safe here?"
I nodded. I did. It had taken me a while to find a place that I did feel welcomed in. "I do."
But it seemed that Alex wasn't quite satisfied yet. "No one bothers you here?"
I smiled and leaned back against the door. "I'm not at Trinity House anymore. You can't protect me out in the real world like you could there."
He laughed. "If I remember correctly, I couldn't do much to protect you there either. You all still fought and got into trouble. You climbed trees and you broke limbs, and I remember one particularly nasty cut on your foot after you decided to play in a puddle barefoot and there was glass in it."
I still had that scar too. I was surprised he'd remembered that day. "I'm sure I wasn't the first kid that you had to bandage up, and I doubt that I was your last either."
"No, you weren't."
The silence settled in between us, but I didn't wish it away either. I liked having him there. As uncomfortable as he sometimes made me and as unsure of myself as I was around him, I wanted to have him around. But I also knew that I wasn't in the place mentally to invite him inside yet. Getting together for coffee and a bit of walking around the city was one thing. And now he knew where I lived. That was important too. Inviting him inside, and him accepting that invitation and joining me in the space I only shared with Andy, would have been too much and far too soon.
"Goodnight." I didn't want to say bye to him already.
He hesitated. "Can I get another hug?"
I stepped into his arms instead of answering him. Alex hugged me gently, as if he could somehow tell how important going slow in this was for me. Or how big tonight had been. Some people may have been able to pretend that Alex might have only been an old friend that I was getting together for coffee with, but that certainly wasn't me. I was deliberate and methodical and being around him pushed that all aside. I wanted him to come in. I wanted to make him tea, and I wanted him to use my favorite cat mug. But I couldn't go there with Alex. Not yet. Maybe next time, if he would give me another chance to enjoy spending time with him. I did want to see him again. Most definitely.
Alex kissed the side of my head, and I closed my eyes. He smelled faintly of lavender laundry soap with that sickly sweet chemical smell. I didn't mind it too much.
Finally I knew I had to pull away from him, as much as I didn't want to. "I should go inside," I said, moving back. He let go of me without hesitation. He'd touched a nerve and rattled me, but now that I was faced with the reality of even saying goodnight to Alex, not even goodbye but just goodnight, I found myself unable to make myself actually leave him.
"Thank you for coming out with me tonight," Alex quietly said.
I blushed. I wasn't used to someone I liked and cared about being that nice to me. I wasn't used to people being nice to me in general. I had to get a better handle on my reactions when it came to him if I was going to be around him more. "Thank you."
"Can we do this again sometime soon?"
I wanted to see him again too. I didn't really want to leave him now as it was. "Yes please."
"Goodnight."
"Night."
He kissed me again, this time on my cheek, before I went inside. Andy was there on the couch right beside the front door, watching a Batman movie. I had no idea which one, but at least I recognized the superhero. That was something.
"That was a long coffee date," he teased me.
I tried to hold back my smile but failed. "Yes, it was."
"Did you kiss him yet?"
I didn't love that Andy was prying into my date, but since he hadn't seen me out with anyone in a very long time, maybe he was making up for lost time. "Not like you're thinking." Andy's definition of a kiss involved tongues and usually people being naked. What I'd shared with Alex meant the world to me, but it was likely far too tame by Andy's definition.
"Is he cute?"
