Page 5 of Saving Barrette
“What?” I snap, crossing my arms over my chest so he can’t see the fact that my nipples are perky and hard.
His lips twitch, fighting a smile, and he hands me a sweatshirt. “Need a shirt?”
“No, not really.” I close my eyes and inhale slowly through my nose trying to calm myself down.
He waits and holds it out like I’m supposed to take it.
“Okay, yes. Fine.” I groan. My palms tingle. I want so badly to hit him or something to show my anger. “I do, but not from you.” Years. Fucking years, I’ve spent wondering why, only to have him come back here and act like our childhood didn’t mean shit.
“Why not fromme?” He sounds confused, his face serious as his hand falls to his side.
I look at his hands, his forearms, the tan skin and the golden flecks of blond hair covering them. “Because…. You left, remember?” I point out, my voice and stance guarded.
“You know it wasn’t like that,” he explains. “What was I supposed to do?”
My eyes narrow in on him. “Not leave me. You just cut me out of your freaking life like…” I hiss through my teeth, “…like I wasn’t good enough.”
He’s staring at me incredulously, his face tense and defensive. My words obviously caught him off guard. He stares at me in disbelief. “Is that what you think? That you weren’t good enough?” His questioning tone pulls at my sanity.
“What else am I supposed to think?” There’s a good amount of sarcasm from my end if you can’t hear it.
He matches my tone, spitting out the words, “My fucking mom was dying. It wasn’t like I had a damn choice in the matter.” It’s as if he growls the words, licking his lips. And just like that, I’ve pissed him off. Easy to do. One thing hasn’t changed. Asa’s moods flip like a switch.
I want to apologize to him. I knew why he left, but to cut all attachments to the girl he said he couldn’t live without, that’s what makes me angry. And Heather. So I stand my ground. Only time hasn’t changed anything. I still feel his presence deep in my bones. Caught up in the pull he has over me, it takes me a minute until I can move. I step away from him. “I know you left for her, but why not call?”
He swallows, shrugs one shoulder, and then lands those beautiful golden eyes on mine. His brow pinches, his emotions trapped inside his tense stare. He looks away toward the trees when he says, “I thought it’d be easier that way, but it wasn’t.”
I open my mouth to say something, but no words come. So I close it, and then try again. This time my anger speaks for me. “I don’t want your stupid shirt.”
Or your dick. But… I leave that part out because of two things: I still want him, and there’s no way he’s gonna know that.
“Barrette, please. I’m sorry. I really am. I never meant to hurt you.” Asa reaches out, his touch unprovoked, a natural reaction. He did it the day he left when I tried to leave his room. Only he walked away that day. I bite my lips, holding the swell of feelings inside. Don’t react. Or maybe I should?
His grip tightens and he attempts to pull me into him.
I don’t go. My hand slips from his. His mouth clamps together, his shoulders stiff and defensive as he glares at me. Anger works his face, his jaw clenching. I quickly look away feeling a blush creep up my neck.
“Just go, Asa.”
With a deep breath, I let go and walk away like he did when he left town.
Fuck this bullshit party.
I knew what coming here meant, I did, but I didn’t think she’d react like this. I should have, though. Barrette Blake is anything but easygoing. She’s stubborn, relentless and never lets anyone tell her how she’s going to feel. Above all else, she’s beautiful, inspiring, and deep. One look at those ocean eyes and I know I’m in deep already.
Do you notice my breathing heavier, louder, body temperature rising and the tension in my face? It’s all an indication that I shouldn’t be drinking and shouldn’t be here.
I bring the beer in my hand to my lips. It provides no relief. My mind is numb, my actions forced. I’m rooted in a haze of uncertainty. I want to go to her, but I can’t make myself follow.
Can you hear the beating of my heart and the skip whenshewalks away? It’s deserving. I shouldn’t be here, at a party, that is. And while we’re at it, back in this town, but I am. It’s just another reminder of what I wouldn’t give to have the last six months back. Six months can change a lot about a person. Four years can destroy you.
It can take a life, and give you back the one you thought you lost. The one you thought you wanted. I don’t know what I want anymore. My thoughts spin and I lift my gaze from the one holding it, to the one beside me now.
“Dude.” Roman pushes my shoulder. “Everyone can’t believe you’re back. They’re looking for you.”
I look over at him, and then away toward Barrette in the distance. It’s his words that rattle around in my head.You’re back. Those are the ones I focus on. Back here, back in her life, but so far away from her. I don’t look at Roman. No, I can’t focus on him when she’s this close. I watch my reason for breathing walking away from me.
I know, hold up. Your reason for breathing? You’re eighteen, you don’t know what love is. Fuck you if you think that. Harsh, I know, but my reason for everything is blonde, feisty, and doesn’t have a goddamn clue she’s the only reason I kept going these last six months when my mom went from bad to worse. Barrette’s the reason I made it through the worst time in my life. Like watching my mother die brutally of a disease she didn’t deserve.
